baoz bounce

2009-02-19T21:14:00.003+08:00

Bao Ru has decided she wants to experience the traditional way of diary/journal writing once again and will give up blogging for a while. She may resume blogging if she decides penning her thoughts is troublesome/tiresome etc. :S

2009-02-11T20:13:00.002+08:00

i'm in a good mood today! (:

went to the library to borrow books today. finally. haha. not that i finished my books at home but they're not that interesting. will try to pick them up again.

watched no reservations and half of ratatouille today. i know these movies are long over but i didnt catch them when they were out. bought the dvds some time ago but i only dug them out this morning. =X gosh. no reservations' so heart warming. i cried somehow. the girl's acting's good.

cant wait for march to come. this is gonna be better than car driving, i hope. whee! (: time to start killing brain cells.

2009-02-09T22:36:00.002+08:00

first post for february 2009 and today's the 15th day of CNY.

life's been really boring for me. yes, i'm not working and have no intention to. everyday's breakfast, work for my mum, book reading, gz prac, lunch, facebook, french- currently it's japanese or korean, depends on what i feel like knowing- work for my mum, dinner, book reading or facebook or gz and bed.

i'm listening to the korean drama new heart's OST on imeem. yes. i love the drama! it shows on channel u now every sat and sun at 7.30pm. next sat's the last episode. it's sad that the tv shows the censored version (the surgery scenes are shortened), which is why my mum bought the dvd which is currently with my aunt. haha. i'll never forget spending new year's eve watching the dvd. yea. it was 12am on 1st jan 2009 and my mum, sis and i were watching a heart surgery on tv. i should say the drama touched me in a different way about life, about what i want to do, about family, about learning not to take things for granted, even if one expects others to understand oneself.

i want to keep my hair long again! and i want to colour it for fun. haha. for that, i need an excuse so that my dad doesnt nag.

i run out of random thoughts.

i still dont like my new neighbours. they're so inconsiderate. my dear ears. gosh. i think it's time to get ear plugs.

2009-01-27T21:15:00.004+08:00

so many things are running through my mind and i cant seem to put them through in words. i'm being emo again.

sometimes i wonder who exactly i am. i dont feel truthful as a person. it's as if i'm living a life of lies. or perhaps because i've seem to draw that line for myself, locking myself from others. this has been for a while. what's wrong with me?

this chinese new year made me rethink the whole idea of reunion. somehow to me, it has become a chore visiting others, especially extended family whom i'm not close to. it came to me that i'm suppose to make myself present at so and so's house because it's CNY. while yes, it's selfish of me to even think in this manner, reunion has never felt like a proper reunion. all i do is sit somewhere and let time go by. it never felt right. then again, i wondered if it's me, that i seem to have locked myself away from people. or is it because as the star signs say, i'm not a people person, i prefer to be left alone, drowning in silence; dont bother starting a conversation because it will end in less than 5 min.

CNY this year's quiet for me but i'm glad i learnt new things about some of my relatives.
-three of my cousins are seeing and maintaining good relationships with their hopefully other half.
-i admire jerry gor gor's piano music because i could feel his music. it felt different. how i wish i can find that difference in my music. as much as i want to pursue music, i guess i'll never have that chance to live up to my dream. yes, i fully understand the practical reasons.
-i'm glad one of my younger cousin's more able to open up now (she seems to me) and i pray she'll improve and be better.
-i've a cousin-once-removed who's a power 98fm DJ. her programme's on sunday 6 to 8pm. anyone who chance across this, please support k! thank you! (:
-my aunt was on an advert aired on tv (but i didnt manage to catch it). ):

CNY resolutions:
1) do well for my performance diploma.
2) do well in whichever course i choose after A level results are released. while engineering or sciences seem my ideal choice, i'm beginning to reconsider other choices after hearing the many advices my aunts and uncles offered. i will also not forget another interest that was forged thanks to my dad. so happen it's in line with what i want out of my life. should i stick to it? it appeals to me because i feel like running away from the norm.
3) continue to spend more time with my family.
4) unlock myself.

I FEEL LIKE BLASTING MUSIC IN MY EARS TO STOP MYSELF FROM DWELLING IN USELESS THINKING.

2009-01-24T12:29:00.003+08:00

i'm angry with myself for making history repeat itself. why must i commit the same mistake?

it's a bizzare thing about human nature. where did we learn such a thing as selfishness? why does unfairness exist?

i'm still proud of how i managed to dye my sis' hair brown.

thankfully by sleeping, i managed to wash away a large part of my hurt feelings.

i missed out free food today. pfft.

reunion dinner tonight.

this post is deliberately made vague.

2009-01-22T21:53:00.002+08:00

tuesday evening brought back memories of my various birthdays.

1) when i was five, i licked the knife used to cut the big birthday cake. the cake was big because i celebrated my birthday at the childcare centre. my mum scolded me. this picture was taken.

2) when i was thirteen (if i didnt remember wrongly), i had my first ice-cream cake from swensens.

3) when i was fifteen, i was given a toy pig by my class. the pig sat in my school cardboard in class for the whole year. that was the promise i made to my classmates, to share the gift with everyone.

3) when i was sixteen, i was almost late for school on my birthday. my class gave me a toy duck because i loved ducks then.

4a) there are many people in my level at nj who share my birth date. my class sang the happy birthday song for me in the school hall. then a few rows down, happy birthday song could be heard. this continued down the row for about 5 times. i was seventeen.

4b) silvia bought a cake for me and my class gathered at the grand stand to celebrate my birthday before orientation's dance party.

5) at nineteen, i got a surprise by my primary school classmates. class gathering cum belated birthday celebration at swensens. my second swensen's ice-cream cake. thank you seet teng, huijia, beatrix, jasmine and eileen. gosh. i havent seen jasmine in 6 full years and i've never talk to the rest properly for ages.

i feel blessed in many ways. i thank everyone who've made my life so wonderful.

2009-01-16T17:00:00.002+08:00

whoopie! i changed my blogskin. and added songs! (:

taking another day off to rot cos i went to the doctor's again. i'm that sick i realise. somehow the previous round of medicine didnt cure me fully. now i have another round of stronger medicine, which makes me drowsy in minutes. pff. (that explains my excess sleeping.) the new medicine taste worse as well. eeww. haiz. my mum refused to let me touch her work cos she's afraid i will do the calculations wrongly again. urgh.

i am bored and computer games and untouched vcds/dvds are not tempting me.

2009-01-13T22:41:00.002+08:00

feeling better today. but i'm still coughing, having nose block and i'm still shivering (side effect of one of my medicine), which explains why i cant hold my pen properly. urgh. my voice sounds funny as well. ):

spent the morning at ms lim's helping her reorganise her bedroom. (: in another words, i've been a cheap labour this morning. but her mum cooked great food for my tummy and i've got more stamps, thanks to ms lim. (:

left around 1pm. went home to sleep after taking my medicine. couldnt sleep properly again even with all the drowsy medicine. amazing. worse still, i think i'm having insomnia. keep waking up every 2 hours at night. and i've been having bad dreams lately. haiz. i'm really scared. what's wrong with me?

practice gz just now. not much progress except i manage to memorise the portion i'm suppose to memorise. huan4 xiang3 qu3 is really killing me. the portion i'm suppose to practise is super fast! went youtubing for the song a while ago. ): how am i going to play that fast? urgh. i need to add more oil.

i should go sleep. tmr going back to ms lim's again to continue being a cheap labour. oops. :S

i want to change my blogskin!

2009-01-12T16:53:00.006+08:00

i'm finally blogging. excuses for not doing so include my laziness, dont know how to organise what i want to type etc. -.-

happy 2009 to everyone, though this is a bit belated. may 2009 be a year with no terrorists attacks, may the economy progress once again and may everyone i know be happier and be in the pink of health.

school has once again started but this time i'm not in the education system anymore. it brings back many wonderful memories of school when i see students in uniform going and returning from school. i miss the people in school, including close classmates who shared my ups and downs and speical teachers who are always so concern for me. thank you so much everyone! without all of you, i wouldnt have learnt to be a better and more understanding person. however, it's not fun paying adults fare when i'm not working. hmph. i've been trying so hard not to leave house unnecessarily. haha. and if i need, i'll look out for free shuttle bus services. -.- i finally understand the pain my sis faced.

had a mini class gathering on the 7th at bingxin's house. everyone has moved on. most of them teaching, including relief teaching and going for interns. thankfully i'm not the only one not working. haha. not that i have nothing to do, i'm busy with guzheng once again! taking my performance diploma at the end of the year. i hope to do well definitely.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to myself. had two consecutive days of birthday cos yesterday was my chinese birthday. haha. my mum told me that at a certain age, both chinese and english birth dates will meet again. it's suppose to be when one is 19 but somehow mine didnt. but my friend's did. (: isnt it amazing? haha. interested people can go check. (:

watch red cliff 2 yesterday using my gv evoucher. not very impressed by the show. too much battling scence and parts that should be longer were short but parts that should be short were too long. i almost fell asleep. in my opinion, red cliff 1 was a waste of money, red cliff 2 was a waste of time. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION, NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE. but to be honest, these kind of battling scenes should be watched at cinemas for the effect.

fell ill yesterday. haiz. so i was sniffing all the way throughout the movie. thankfully i didnt sneeze. haha. i'm so proud of myself for being able to resist temptation. yesterday, my sis bought pop corn and i didnt take a single one throughout the movie. given the fact that i was holding on to the box.

started using facebook and imeem. finally, after much persuasion from various friends and my sis. i got addicted for a while (facebook). haha. i came to find its user friendliness. this explains why i remove my photo album link cos i can upload on facebook. (:

feeling really drowsy now. and i'm so strengthless. got to go rest. it's not fun falling sick on one's birthday. stupid flu bug, why cant you just pick someone else. :S

to January babies:
Myself
Cousin Jerry Gor
Cousin Zhi Xian
Cousin Sandy Jie
Cousin Jason
Bingxin
Xinying
Vy
Ernest
Hui Jun
Jianyue.. and those i missed out (i'm sorry)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2008-12-25T22:48:00.004+08:00

MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO! (:

woo hoo! i'm blogging. haha. i feel really fat now from all the excessive eating. had yum cha buffet yesterday with my family. of course i skipped dinner. (: today had gathering for lunch at square 2. wanted to skip dinner again but yea. i wasnt full. guess it's the yogurt that helped digest the food. besides i ate more vege and i didnt eat a single bit of rice. haha. met seet on the way to novena on the mrt. went city hall after lunch. wanted to get stuff from robinsons but it was so crowded! my gosh. so my family gave up and went home. didnt manage to skip dinner. but i didnt regret going to eatzi at yishun safra. havent been there for quite some time, considering my family usually goes there once a month. i love their food! (: today's dinner reminded me of my cruise trip. I MISS VALERIU AND FLORENCE! and today's dinner also made me understand what it means by eating with your own family as compared to eating with friends and lots of people. for me, i tend to eat more when i'm with my own family. haha. played pool after dinner with my sis. i lost two games. but my dad beat her by two games subsequently. so it's kinda fair. :P my sis almost win the second game against my dad. but 江是老的. (:

got home in time to watch shrek the halls but i didnt really watch it. how dumb. cos i was typing at the comp more than watching the tv. thanks to my cousin. ok. not his fault. i should have known that shrek the halls is half an hour. should have just give it a miss. in the end i watched channel 5 news followed by channel 8 news. how interesting, watching the same stuff twice. had sparkling juice while watching news. cos my sis wanted to drink. both my mum and dad dont like it so i had to drink their share. wow. now i'm totally bloated. wonderful. -.-

yesterday i got FRIGHTENED by my sis. today i got FREAKED out by my cousin. and when they say things happen twice, it will happen a third time. i hope i dont FAINT tomorrow.

my guppies finally gave birth! now the population has gone up to about 70 again. FINALLY. i was about to ask my dad to buy more home. haha.

tomorrow's a busy day typing my aunt's stuff and yes. gz prac. i definitely have to squeeze in some time for that. maybe after dinner. what on earth do the songs mean? and i'm meeting huijia tmr! whee!

2008-12-24T08:44:00.005+08:00

merry christmas eve everyone! (:

i've been lazing around lately though i went out with some of my seniors. not that i really missed them but yea. they've been great people and it's been some time since they left nj. had loads of advice from them about uni. guess it's really time to think about what i really want to study in future. oh and we had a good time gossiping about our good old friend. =X

had gz lesson last week before ms lim left for US on a tour. guess i really do not wish to give up gz and yes, that will be one of my choices of study though it wont be my first choice for some reason. ): ms lim says exams will crash with uni exams (if i'm going to one) which is why i've decided to work hard now, though i havent reach my minimum of 4 hours of prac daily. i'm still currently at 3 hours. ): haiz. i need that momentum. and i need extra practice on my previous songs. i completely lost touch. ): the exam pieces are really difficult and it's not helping when i cant find those songs to listen to. ms lim says i can youtube it but it doesnt really help. haiz. i need to go music hunting again.

last week was spent helping my aunt with some chinese typing for her assignment. think i stared at the comp for too long. my eyes hurt! i dont understand how people like my sis can sit in front of the comp for ages. she's been looking at the comp EVERYDAY since the day she started poly! oh gosh.

other than the above, i've been reading my fiction books that's been in my cupboard. cant believe i actually bought some book about UFO. i left the book untouched after 3 chapters. i completely gave up.

been playing computer games as well. my sis and i bought a new game cos we got too addicted to object hunting. -.- i went to download those 60min trial games cos i saw my sis playing on her comp. her comp's HP and they have HP games which are those 60 min trials. i guess i'm really bored.

was watching bu liang xiao hua on youtube yesterday. it's been ages since i last sat down and watch every single episode of a drama serial. and i'm still not getting use to it. it's so tiring. ok. maybe it's just me. and this also explains my big pile of vcds at home that i bought and they still sit on my sis' desk. oops. i'm so mean. eh but she hasnt complained so it's alright. :P shall continue watching in a while, just to finish watching the whole thing, not that i'm really attracted to the plot and everything. my seniors are asking me to watch jap dramas as well. i'll try sometime.

i'm thinking if i should get a driver's licence. my seniors say once in uni, it's going to be hard to have the time to take it up. haiz. should i?

xmas lunch tmr and hence i cant go out with seet and eileen. but seet's postponed it to 2009 so i dont feel so guilty now.

MERRY CHRISTMAS in advance. (: may christmas be a joyous one for everyone. hope my friends got my cards. this year i sent less cos recession. must save money. i'm so sad. postage has gone up to 26 cents. it was 23 the last time. ):

2008-12-14T22:42:00.004+08:00

i forgot to mention about the auction of art works on board the cruise. it's really amazing seeing the person speaking so fast and hammering the hammer away. woah. it's just like bullet train. poor guy. i think he probably needed loads of water or honey-lemon water to soothe his throat after that.

there was also this jigsaw puzzle there (laid on the table for anyone to fix it) which totally shocked me cos it's really challenging. i would have gotten it if it was on sale. didnt spend time figuring it cos it's too tiring to stand in front of the table with my back bent. on the second day, the borders of it was fixed and i was so amazed by whoever did that. it's an abstract piece of art of a scenary and the colours are not easy to differentiate.

just realise the pictures are not all uploaded. my lemon curd cake's not there. haha. need to get my dad's phone and for my sis to bluetooth them into the comp. poof. what work. troublesome.

had a great time eating yesterday. after much argument at home over where to have lunch (this happens all the time), i decided we should go to chinatown cos i wanted to eat the chicken rice there (my mum says they're good). plus my sis can eat xiao long bao there. anyone wants to eat xiao long bao? go chinatown food centre k! the stall no.'s #02-135. they sell 10 for $5 which is amazingly cheap as compared to restaurants. and their quality is really good. my sis and i came to the conclusion that the stall holder most probably left a restaurant to open that stall. their spicy noodles are yummy as well. (they're not very spicy though which was good.) (:

list of food ordered for the day:
20 xiao long bao
one bowl of spicy noodles
one plate of dumplings
one bowl of porridge and raw fish
four cups of fruit juices
one plate of chicken rice
one poh piah
one bowl of fish soup
one bowl of some chicken (i forgot what's the chinese word for it)
one bowl of tang yuan
one bowl of fish porridge
one pot of 田鸡 porridge
one plate of 炸肠
3 mc flurry-s

we were literally walking around and stopping for food. we gave maxwell food centre a missed cos we were too full when we were around there. shall go there one day. and back to chinatown food centre for duck rice (there's this stall which is mended by an old couple. bet their cooking of the duck must be very different and traditional. cant wait to try.) although it's a lot of food listed, it's been ages since i last ate till sweat trickle down my whole face. haha. it was great. like my sister puts it, it's just plain shiok. (:

just put up the christmas tree a while ago. cant believe my dad was in the mood for it. we didnt put for 2 years in a row already. plus the tree was stored away deep in the storeroom which require much digging and messing of the stuff blocking it. some of the bulbs were fused and my dad and i were figuring it out before the whole thing went haywired. ): in the end my dad went down to a nearby stall to get new LED lights. now my christmas tree looks beautiful once again. all it lacks is some boxes underneath. haha. i think i can do something about it. whee!

my mum's been finding ways to get me to buy new clothes. i know she meant for the new year but yea. it just doesnt sink in. haiz. somehow i cant be bothered. sian.

cant wait to meet huijia soon. hope she remembers. and i need to call ms lim up. cousins' outing next week and NJGZ outing as well plus i still want to go shopping with my mum! i'll be dead tired from all the walking. =X

2008-12-12T17:56:00.001+08:00

finally. i've got the pics up. see the links portion for my photo album. there wont be pics of closeups. ask me for them if you want to see. (:

2008-12-12T14:15:00.019+08:00

I'M BACK! (: not that i miss home. cruising on legend of the seas was really great, i should say slightly better than on star cruises. it's slightly because i got bored sometimes, the games room was too small. nevertheless, it's really relaxing-- i only regain my consciousness of our fast paced life when i was on the bus back from harbourfront. gosh! and in monetary terms, the trip is 100% worthy. i totally love the people there. they are so amazing! imagine they're the ones who sleep lesser than the guests and yet they have to maintain the smiles on their faces as they provide us the services everyday.

experiences from this short vacation:

1) learning more about port functions from my sis. i never knew her course in poly is so practical, as in you know what exactly you're doing. not like in my case where i never understand how does mathematical induction ever aid me in future.

2) exercising my two fingers at the casino. i finally know what's it like in the casino and how addictive it can get. thankfully i won back the amount of money i wasted, and made a bit i guess. to be honest, i was so shock when the money started coming out cos the machine makes so much noise. i just want it to stop. haha.

3) food! the dinner every evening is absolutely fantastic. i simply adore the chef's culinary skills. the cheesecakes are never unavoidable. you just dont get sick of it. (: but breakfast repeats everyday. the food's majority the same. lunch at the cafe is more free and easy but lunch in the main dining restaurant is more unique. didnt like the idea of sitting with others but i understand the need to fill up the table.

4) my mum once told me it's not a good thing to travel with friends. i finally understand what she meant. living together it such limited space is highly likely to lead to arguments over issues which will in turn lead to the souring of friendship. (i complained about my sis. it makes me want to travel alone.)

5) the waiter (from romania) who serves my family for every dinner is handsome (in my opinion). haha. and he's so sweet. (: i got extra dessert! (who cares about getting fat.) the assistant waitress (from south africa) is really friendly and fun. (picture cant be uploaded cos it's a close up. i'm sorry. anyone who wants to see can ask me.)

6)i love the international environment. the crew are all from different countries such as turkey, china, philipines etc. and they always say hello along the corridors and wherever we see them anywhere.

7) the theatre shows are great. it's amazing for 12 performers to run shows up to an hour plus, changing numerous costumes along the way. and they have to sing and dance live to a live band throughout.

8) and more..

I'M PISSED OFF WITH BLOGGER. IT'S NOT ALIGNING MY POST PROPERLY! no picture uploads cos i'm 100% pissed off with blogger for causing me to waste my precious time aligning and realigning to no avail.

2008-12-04T23:38:00.005+08:00

chenye, if you're looking at this, it's the song lyrics. if you're not free, dont bother doing the translation. it's alright to not know. (: thanks anyways! and i've got to meet you to return your GC! thanks loads again! (:

SEKAI NI HITOTSU DAKE NO HANA (SMAP)
Number one ni naranakutemoii
Moto moto tokubetsuna Only One

Hanaya no misesaki ni naranda
Ironna hana wo mitte ita
Hito sorezore konomi wa aru kedo
Doremo minna kirei da ne
Kono naka de dare ga ichiban da nante
Arasou koto mo shinaide
Baketsu no naka hokorashige ni
Shanto mune o hatte iru

Sore na no ni bokura ningen wa
Doushite kou mo kurabetagaru ?
Hitori hitori chigau no ni sono naka de
Ichiban ni naritagaru?

Sou sa bokura wa
Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana
Hitori hitori chigau tane wo motsu
Sono hana wo sakaseru koto dake ni
Isshoukenmei ni nareba ii

Komatta you ni warainagara
Zutto mayotteru hito ga iru
Ganbatte saita hana wa doremo
Kirei dakara shikata nai ne
Yatto mise kara dete kita
Sono hito ga kakaete ita
Irotoridori no hanataba to
Ureshisou na yokogao

Namae mo shiranakatta keredo
Ano hi boku ni egao wo kureta
Daremo kizukanai you na basho de
Saiteta hana no you ni

Sou sa bokura mo
Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana
Hitori hitori chigau tane wo motsu
Sono hana wo sakaseru koto dake ni
Isshoukenmei ni nareba ii

Chiisai hana ya ookina hana
Hitotsu toshite onaji mono wa nai kara
Number one ni naranakutemo ii
Motomoto tokubetsu na only one

(http://artists.letssingit.com/smap-lyrics-sekai-ni-hitotsu-dake-no-hana-hxxjbz7)

2008-12-04T22:32:00.002+08:00

finally i'm making the effort to blog. i've been lazy-- really lazy these few days. my sis has resorted to calling me a big fat pig cos i sleep more than her. right. and i realised i gained weight. grh. and so i skipped dinner today to my mum's disapproval (i got told off definitely but what can she do). had stomachache a while ago for eating two plums with an empty stomach and now it still hurts. haiz.

updates for the past dunno how many days. i've lost track of time seriously. this is bad. not that i've not been doing things, i've been reading, playing SIMS, youtubing, watching all those vcds which i've not touched but bought long before exams, and of course shopping with my parents since they're on leave! finally, i found time for myself to
1) read the books i bought from the previous dont know how many book fairs. i've got to sell off those that i've read too. anyone knows of second hand books stores that i can sell my books to? haha. if not i'll just have to give to the salvation army but i dont know where the boxes are located. ):
2) watch those unwatched tapes but recently i've kind of given them up cos my eyes get too tired. i dont need another pw session of editting the final report to worsen my already terrible eyesight. i'm beginning to feel so insecure with my sight. i used to have perfect eyesight! i think i'll freak out if i cant see without my glasses one day. i find glasses a burden at times.
3) spent time with my mum and dad! we went to a few factories in woodlands to get good deals of FOOD last saturday! (: oh. these factories can be reached by train and bus and some distance of walking. take the mrt to admiralty, cross the bridge to the opposite of the mrt station and take 964. (i forgot exactly which bus stop to stop but i remember seeing some carpark somewhere before pressing the bell) after that just walk straight in from there. the path on the left. some factories include 美珍香肉干, Tasty Chicken, some factory that cathers for sharks fin, a factory that sells salmon (will elaborate later) and some more which i didnt go into cos there's too many. haha.
ok. here's some of the food prices i remembered (ziyin, if you're reading this, note the valley chef hotdog prices. haha.).
a) valley chef hotdogs. one pack for $2 but if buy 3 packs is $5.80. that's $1.60 each (that's the price ages back), 45 cents cheaper than NTUC! sheng song sells one pack for $2 though.
b) smoke salmon, the kind that can be found in cold storage. cold storage sells for $15.90 but the factory sells $9.90 which is $6 cheaper!
c) ok. i cant really remember the rest but yes. everything is definitely very very very value for money. (auntie attitude.)

went woodlands quite frequently recently. meeting my sis after her exams and sending my phone to hospital (cos it's still under warrenty). i dropped it accidentally and yea. it's "injured". thankfully i got it back today. cant get use to using my sis' nokia phone somehow.

went to pray today, then when to eat something i havent eaten for ages. my dad brought me there. (: i shouldnt say what it is cos i guess it will hurt animal lovers' heart. i think i'm gonna stop eating it myself cos i suddenly felt sick by the idea of eating it after a while. maybe i should try going vegetarian. haiz. got caught in the rain today. was drenched. and it feels really disgusting with soaked socks and shoes. YUCK.

i'm still not excited about my family holiday. i've decided to pack on the morning of departure. i dont care anymore.

it's now 28min to my family's joyous occasion. yes. tmr's celebration day! i'm so gonna drag my mum for more shopping during office hours to avoid the crowd (she needs it more than i do). (:

2008-11-24T22:14:00.003+08:00

i've decided to name this picture the toilet episode. isnt it cute? haha. my dad bought me this (not just this actually. there're lots of more interesting stuff.) from china cos it looks like winnie (there it goes again. winnie the pooh). my mum has one which is a pig. my sis doesnt have. aww.. ): this creature nods it's head and it sure looks hardworking. if you dont believe it, when you visit my place, i'll show you. it currently sits on my desk, this funny little thing. haha.

just had haagen dazs ice cream and i feel so full. gosh. i'm really growing fat what with all the food. had another buffet on saturday when my dad came back. shall bug my sis for the cool pictures she took with her new phone. yes. my dad bought it in china for her. he bought 3 shoes for us as well but i couldnt wear them so all 3 belongs to my sis now (they're too big for me). i dont mind though. haha.

cant wait for cousins' gathering. i dont know why. i shall go find some good deal for buffet. hope my gor gors dont mind cos my sis and i are on for that. more food. i'm highly influenced by my friends. i'm gonna redo my board at home to include more food pcitures. time to hunt for food flyers. lol.

i need to get my xmas cards soon and to call up my gz teacher. time to stop being in a holiday mood and plan for stuff. i've decided to learn some stuff from my mum. perhaps it'll help relief her work stress. but yea. she doesnt want me to stick to her work. neither do i. i just want to do something meaningful and not waste my time around the house.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JIEYING! i'm sorry i didnt wish you yesterday. i swear i was thinking about it the day before.

2008-11-22T21:00:00.005+08:00

photos update:

Completed puzzle (in a day) that my sis bought me from phuket i think. yes. i realise my presents from people are very similar. all of them contains pooh. i realise it's really easy to get me gifts. haha. to all those who make the effort to remember me liking pooh, i sincerely say a BIG THANK YOU. it's really alright if you all dont get me anything from your trips. to me, the more important thing is you enjoyed your trip and you left with great experience and learning points that you dont mind sharing with me. (:

completed the singapore flyer puzzle i bought after the above puzzle (in half a day). cannot show here cos i forced it to be done with wrong pieces in wrong places. haha. first time i gave up doing a scenary puzzle. couldnt stand it when the lighting was quite bad that i cant differentiate the colour. i think piecing the sky was so much easier. ok. i admit the puzzle was only of one shape and hence it makes it difficult. nevertheless, i'm quite glad i've got that amount of patience to complete the puzzle at least. haha. i shall go count my savings and get a 5000 piece puzzle since i've managed a 2000+ piece one. (:

the aftermath of tuesday's buffet:

i cant stop listening to my blog song (though i dunno what it means -.-). arh!

2008-11-21T15:06:00.003+08:00

7 hours more to go and i'll be able to see my dad. WONDERFUL! ultimate happiness. i shall spend the next few days catching up with my dad. (: cant wait to hear his experience!

i'm beginning to hate my neighbours (both the neighbour for quite some years and the new neighbour). they were tolerable, until yesterday. i'm totally disgusted. what is so wrong with them? one family plays mahjong every night until almost 11pm and yes, i can hear vulgarities almost every fifteen minutes. i'm not sure but i've this feeling there's gambling going on. no evidence but yea, gut feeling. perhaps i could poke my nose around. given my extra time sitting around. :P the second case: yesterday, the kid from next door (another neighbour) peed outside the house at the corridor. i solemnly swear one day i will scream at both the parents and grandparents. dont they know how to teach the kid? nowadays kids. and he's just outside the house. what's the problem with going into the house to do the business. TOTALLY PISSED. nevermind. i shant spoil my good mood today.

changed the song. have been looking for it for the past two years. was looking through parts of the jap trip video online (i realise it was on youtube. man. my unglam moments. haha.) and yes, i miss japan and the tour guide. she was such a wonderful person. and yes. i miss my seniors. cant wait for gathering but i've got this feeling i wont turn up cos i'll be away on hols with my family. haiz.

counting down.. (:

2008-11-19T09:00:00.002+08:00

YES! A's are finally over. i'm so glad. (: but then again, there's so much i'll be leaving behind from this 12 years of Singapore education. imagine it's the last day for everything.

went out after physics for dim sum buffet which was at 3pm. paper ended at 9.15am. this implies my friends and i (it's only the 3 of us) rotted in between. not exactly actually. we went bishan then dhoby ghaut then to chinatown. we were hunting for good deals for prom dresses cos my friend needed one. (: and as teenage girls, i guess it's pretty common that we just anyhow pick dresses and go and try them. didnt want to try at first. cos i really find that those dresses are not what i like but my friends forced it on me. and gosh, it's pink and bare back. oh well. what can i do. and so we picked dresses and yea. took photos. (the place didnt say no photo-taking.) if the dress wasnt pink, it could have been better. pink is too shocking and it doesnt suit my personality.

dim sum buffet was wonderful! ate until my stomach's so full! haha. and it's really worth the price. my friends and i were amazed there were so many people given the fact that it's on a weekday. the restaurant was full and there was a queue. wow! must go there with my parents. (:

next week eating indian food. haha. i sure need to exercise. i'm so gonna put on weight. shall continue with my winnie the pooh puzzle in a while. (: but for now. i shall go youtube and watch winx club. ok. this is so not my age but there's nothing wrong with liking faeries and their magical powers right?. blame the sailormoon anime. it makes me like winx club. lol. and i can be youthful at heart even though it's less than 2 months time to my birthday.

2008-11-15T00:05:00.002+08:00

changed the skin. just thought it was time.

wanted to add to the previous post. i guess i've found what's most important to me. i used to think the world of grades, whether i make it or break it. but recently, i realise, what's the point? besides, sometimes i feel that i can just resign to fate. perhaps it's fated what comes and goes. now i truly understand what i want.

i just want to feel happier, to feel happy with what i am doing. which is why i thought, no matter how hard the A level papers are, i will walk out without regrets. grades is just another thing. and that explains why i let go. i thought i wasnt so stress over the exams. i'll just do my best. thanks to those who've given me so much encouragement, to finally convince myself to change my mindset. thanks loads especially to enqin, ziyin, my sis and not forgetting my mum.

tmr shall be intensive physics mcq for 7 hours.

3 days to END OF A LEVELS. (:

2008-11-14T21:01:00.004+08:00

wah! i cant wait anymore. haha. i dont know why i've got this sudden urge to blog a few days ago. oops. exams arent over yet. ): nevermind.

i'm so glad i learnt so much more than just the exam itself during this period of time. yes, things happened and it was hard for me at the start, the fact that it was right before the major exam. perhaps because it's been ages (ok. it's just 6 years difference) since i last took a major examination but it's never too late to learn and to gain the experience.

my dad left for shanghai on my sister's birthday on a school trip. to children whose parents are always flying on business trips, they will probably think it's normal but for a family with no one being away for longer than a week, it is vastly different. ok. maybe it's just me and the way i'm brought up. i was lost, longing for someone to cling onto. now i really appreciate how it feels not to have someone so dear to you not beside you. i cried that night my daddy left. reality was just so harsh to me. no one was going to ride to school with me, wishing me all the best for my day's paper. no one was there for me to call after every single paper to hear my rants. no one was going to me at home giving me all the encouragement. it was just not normal not to have my daddy home beside me.

i was glad i was able to pull out of that fast. the next day, i started persuading myself positively (and because exams was in 2 days time. i need to focus). i should stop being selfish, trying to keep my daddy for myself. i realise i should be glad instead. how often would someone at the age of 50 have the opportunity to travel and to really experience what cannot be experienced when one is on a tour? i feel proud that my daddy has the chance. while yes, there was so much at home that was maintained by him, i was sure my mum, sis and myself would be able to cope. like now, i do enjoy waking up early to make breakfast and to feed the guppies. (: it helps remind me of my daddy too. he calls home every night and it's really amusing to hear what's going on in shanghai, from the hostel food to the weather, to how he keeps his morning wake up time of 5am to do exercise, to bringing the girls to the hospital as they're ill and the funny things he bought like a tv phone. the first time i heard i went huh? but it is interesting. he even went to some place where it's like a mini arcade (i think) and played the game of hitting the crocodiles. he said it was to destress which i doubt he needed. -.- i remember playing that when i was a kid. my dad's a big kid. (: I REALLY CANT WAIT FOR HIM TO BE HOME. I WANNA GIVE MY DADDY A BIG HUG.

sometimes i feel i'm a really spoilt kid who is so reliant on my parents. and i dont want to let go. i miss my daddy so much and yes, i cant wait for him to be home.

lesson learnt: cherish and appreciate having people close to you. you dont want to regret one day when they're really gone.

was talking to my mum the other day about how bad the exam papers were so far (yes, they're disastrous. a whole lot tougher than 2007's). to tell the truth, i never thought i could make it to a uni. i was saying perhaps i should just go to a poly after A's. and then, she started nagging at me to stop thinking about it, to finish the exam and take my break before the results are released, then decide what i would want to do and where to go. i was quite pissed off at first but i realise what she said is true. i need to see the results first which i am 100% sure it would be Cs, Ds and Es. i'm not surprise if i fail. physics and chem papers were average, math was slightly easier than prelims, econs was a zillion times worse than prelims and GP was disastrous as well. I NEED A MIRACLE (which sadly, only cambridge can grant). most of us came out saying let's hope the bell curve shifts/skews by a lot. it's a matter of time. (pray hard. -.-)

went for dental today. it's christmas colours this time! (: red on top, green for the bottom.

my after-exam list:
1) shop for jigsaw puzzles
2) eat buffet!
3) go exercise
4) do up my undone jigsaw puzzles (ok. i love jigsaw puzzles. *hint* dont ask me why. perhaps it flows in the genes. haha.)
5) go out with my dad when he comes home
6) figure out what i want to do in future
7) resume guzheng lessons
8) shop for christmas cards (yes. my yearly routine. look out for one! if i remember to mail you. haha.)
and the list continues.. (:

i've taken a liking in free cell.

2008-10-24T23:08:00.006+08:00

宣战前的平静.

this shall be the last post before the start of A's and i shall only visit this place after the 18th of november. (which translates to: dont bother tagging cos i wont be able to reply. i'm sorry.) i've been thinking through some stuff and i thought i should just let it out here. i feel that it really makes me feel much better, even though i've already let it out to a close friend or my sis. many thanks go out to them as they've been really patient and so willing to hear my rants.

i should say the coming exams have made me really consider what i want out of my life. all along, i've been thinking that i must make it and not break it. i have to do well because i've got cousins who are really smart and yes, in my opinion since young, it serves as some form of comparison. it is not usually discussed amongst us cousins but most unfortunately, our parents. i dont want tongues to wag. maybe i think to much. i talked to my mum and she says why bother. the more i take it to heart, the more pressure i put on myself. i agree to that. i've been harping on it for a really long time.

i thought about how i could have better coped with major exams and i came to the conclusion that perhaps, O levels was something that shouldnt be missed. at least one can be reminded of the stress level and be able to cope with it. not that IP isnt good but the lack of exam technique is one significant problem to students like me. this year, i found out the other reason why my parents encouraged me to join NJ. not that i couldnt accept their reasoning but i thought it was against my choice at first. nevertheless, i understand the fact that all parents put their child's interest at heart. i learnt to respect their decision.

when they say all roads lead to rome, i'm not sure if i ever accepted that. many people have encouraged me in one way or another, telling me to look beyond A levels. i really appreciate it but perhaps it never occured to me hence i'm still dwelling in my own paradigm of values. i guess it will only make sense to me after A levels.

this period of time, i thought i lost a friend. i've heard of situations whereby nearing exams, people start to become alone and they are cautious about what others do. i saw it for myself. perhaps this is the true side of the person, i dont know. i'm just disappointed that things turn out this way.

to avoid being nagged at, that's about all i can post. i'm glad i've got so many concerned friends, relatives and teachers who are very encouraging. it really touched my heart so deeply. i guess saying thank you is never enough. i'll give my best.

my current motivation: 下笔的那一刻就像是演奏一首18 天长的曲子的开始, 我要用心去把它给演奏完, 分享我的音乐, 分享我所明白的一切. this was what i gathered for competition two years ago. i will pull through it and i want to pull through it, regardless of the result.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEILONG! (:

2008-09-11T16:20:00.003+08:00

to the victims of sept 11, rest in peace.

prelims are finally over. taking a break for the rest of the week but not forgetting to continue studying as well. next week shall be another terrifying week as the results are revealed. for sure, physics would be U again. paper 1 and 2 were just terrible. i really need to sit myself down and do timed practices. haiz. like how my friend puts it, i really wonder how every year, the cohort's results curve can plummet to such high percentage, from common tests to prelims. it's like a miracle. i think getting 5 As for A levels would be a miracle for me as well. what with ever terrible grades. ):

change topic. (: i'm glad that my september holidays was well spent. Although i was crazily studying for prelims (i bet it was purposely scheduled that way so that we have to study during the hols. what excuses.), i'm glad i spent more time with my family as well as quite a bit of time reflecting on things, events etc.

1) my disgruntle towards males who carry their girlfriends' bags. ok. i've been looking at couples to see if the guy carries the girl's bag. the more i see, the more it pisses me off. firstly, cant the girl carry her bag herself? doesnt she have her own hands? unless it's really heavy or she has loads of other stuff to carry then perhaps, it's reasonable. girls who ask their boyfriends to carry their bags should be ditched. it's so 很不要脸 can. and i think guys who offer to carry their bags ought to be dumbed as well. it may seem gentlemenly t0 offer to carry but how many guys would offer to help their mums to carry their handbags? what's the difference? after all the other person is still a female. duh.

2) i learnt to see the good points out of what is deemed bad. things happened (i'm not able to say what happened) and i realise i tend to see it at a different angle. i guess sometimes, out of pure concern, it becomes overconcern. it just have to be done the right way round. 出发点是对的, 错在如何正确的表达. i'm beginning to have an interest in sociology.

3) to tell a white lie but not feel bad about it. ok. i always feel guilty if i lie, even if it's a white lie, saving further elaborations which could lead to further arguments. and it's pretty easy to tell if i told a lie. haiz. i just cant hide it well.

4) and i cant remember what else i wanted to add. haiz. i guess it's always there in my head but it just doesnt come out when i'm blogging. perhaps it's easier kept to myself. sometimes i wish i had someone who knows me so well that i can just pour everything out without worrying the consequences. right. what's the definition of privacy? -.-

went to watch 花样 Final with my sis yesterday. i must say it's good although i got quite sian at the front. i was just guessing it was a plot by the mum as usual. had a pleasant surprise when it wasnt. that was when i didnt felt sian anymore. i love the ending though. it was just pure sweet. i really agree the japanese version is way better than the taiwanese version. watched the part 1 yesterday till this morning 4am. my sis bought the dvd and is currently looking for the second one. haha. ok. i'm not to blame since i'm taking my break. got told off by my dad. not surprise.

speaking of my dad, haiz. i'm starting to worry. i dont know what to say. i just thought he makes aging graciously sound so foreign to me. haiz. i guess i've got to live with it. yes, my mum, my sis and i talk about how he's changed recently. i will definitely not take him as an example. haiz. it's a cruel truth.

in short, what i really learnt out of various events that happened recently-- to appreciate, to cherish, to not regret and to love. it's hard but yes, by changing my beliefs perhaps it will work out fine somehow. i'm working on it! (:

this is something random. i havent watch wall.e. ): personal reason. maybe i should just stop thinking that way. what's wrong with me. :S

2008-08-29T13:17:00.003+08:00

i realise i have no entry for this month ): haha. not my fault. exams are definitely more important. had teachers' day celebration today. didnt prepare any gifts this year for which yes, i do feel guilty. ): anyways, to all my teachers, HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY! (:

prelims havent ended. i'm glad i have a week more to study for both physics and chem. haiz. exams make me depress. hope my grades improve. if not A level confirm DIE. ): actually, come to think of it, i really dont hope for much anymore. used to feel that i must get my 5 As but now, oh well. or roads lead to Rome. i dont care if i go to poly after jc.

dont know why recently i'm having such bad mood swings. maybe cos all i can think of is exams and A levels. i think i'm stress which also explains why my skin problem is back. 2 years ago, i had this problem. i start itching all over and mosquito-like patches just start to appear. it stretches into bigger patches and then disappears after a while. it's really itchy and i cant refrain from scratching, which then explains the big red scratch marks. ): so now, it's back again. it's been 3 weeks and yes, it got worse. i ate chinese medicine but decided to stop since i'm afraid i'll be too reliant on it. going to the doctor in a while. my mum says she read somewhere that it could be because of stress. oh right. like who isnt. but why do i get this funny skin problem and others dont? ): my dad says my immune system is lousy. ): ok. maybe it's time for a body check up or something. =X oh yea. because of my non-stop scratching, my dad said to go get a hair cut, firstly cos prelims was near then and he said i can save some time from standing in front of the mirror. duh. and secondly, cos he thinks it's not helping my skin problem, with hair that sticks to my neck when i sweat. ok. i was quite glad though. after getting my hair cut, when i got home and took a shower, woah. i was out in just a while. haha. felt like some bathing olympics champion. i'm a bit too high over olympics then. and yes. my friend was saying how she want to crash her tv so that she will study for prelims. -.- i thought beijing olympics was great. kind of missed it when it's over..

went to watch 12 lotus yesterday. i thought it was not as impressive as 881. i admit i really dont understand hokkien. was reading the subtitles most of the time then watching the movie. ): didnt really understand the movie either but i guess it makes some sense about how through life we see so many ups and downs and it's really through experiences for which we learn to appreciate things and people better. it gives a different perspective to things and yes, we should always consider things from another perspective, not just from the way we see it. i should say, i always believe in 退一步, 海阔天空. (:

speaking of movies, there's so many movies coming that i feel like watching! but there's A-Levels and prelims arent over. ): gosh. i've got to stop it and quit thinking about watching movies. ok. i should be thinking of TYS and more TYS. right. what a life. cant wait for it to be all over soon. and then i can think about all the fun stuff. my dad's flying to Shanghai during my A's cos he's bringing the students for exchange programme. and my mum says i can fly there after A's. i dont hope much though. i dont see the possibility cos the school's far away. ): cant wait to go shopping in China. haha. had such a good experience there last year and the stuff are really cheap. it just makes me refuse to shop in singapore.

caught a bit of fireworks last week after tuition. haha. shufang, carolyn and i were around the traffic light towards raffles city when we heard and saw some fireworks so we decided to take a longer route to the station. it's been ages since i last saw fireworks. haha. took some videos but the resolution isnt very good. nvm. at least i enjoyed myself. haha. fireworks remind me of great memories and it always makes me feel blessed. (:

let those memories flow..

2008-07-31T22:11:00.003+08:00

i am still coughing non stop and the phlegm is still not making its way out of my throat. i think i'm gonna die coughing. -.- my nose remains blocked too. ):

my faithful tv of a decade died. my mum wants a new hd tv by national day (which is in 10 days time) cos she wants to watch a small portion of the parade. -.- i'm sad the tv just went pop and its gone. ): but that gives a good reason to get a new hd tv which is flat. yes. my tv is the kind that's huge and fat but it has serve my family well. (: 10 whole years! anyone knows any good bargains? how i wish GSS didnt end. haha.

back to work. restructured time table seems good when i dont need to go back to school. it's been a fruitful day for me. (:

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY KENGWEI! i'm kinda surprised you remembered me. haha.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUANNIE!

2008-07-29T22:09:00.002+08:00

i'm sick. the flu bug caught up with me. ): it's been ages since i'm so badly struck. couldnt talk the whole day in school and i'm so tired of coughing. the phlegm just refuse to get out! sian. i need to get well soon or i'll be so dead! ): ):

2008-07-27T01:24:00.003+08:00

in the midst of updating my portfolio and i'm truly sian.

i remembered what i wanted to blog about. nothing much but i just felt like saying it out. recently, there are more and more couples in my school. it just feels weird when it happens to friends that i know although i'm not very close to them. things change once they get attached. it seems they exist but in a different world now. how strange. yea. that's it. i wonder why though. why at such a period of time. ok. this shall be left unanswered. i cant kill brain cells over this.

been looking for oldies. i need to stop bothering my gor gor for music. to my gor gor: i'm trying really hard. yea. plus i'm not suppose to disturb you.

back to those updates. ):

2008-07-25T23:22:00.003+08:00

i should say my blog is officially dead. ok. my fault. i shouldnt push the blame since i'm suppose to be the one doing the updates. right.

wanted to blog about a few things but i kind of forgot about them cos yea. i thought about them a while ago and yes, due to my small brain, i need to prioritise what to remember and what not to. besides, prelims are coming. i have less than a month. this is definitely killing me. so little time left! haiz. i've got nightmares of 5 big Us on my leaving cert. ):

change topic. (: new hot discussion topic among my j2 female schoolmates recently: prom and prom dresses. -.- i'm kinda getting bored by it. fine. i'm not going for prom and i have good reasons for it. ok. i am told to reconsider but i doubt i'll change my mind. in quantum physics, we learn that there is a probability for a particle to tunnel through a potential barrier. yes. there is still that little probability but in my case, sad to say, no, it doesnt exist. it's just too bad i'm not going. i'm sorry to my classmates. i feel bad saying this but i still feel amused by their reactions when i said, "I'm not going from prom." let me make my reasonings:

1) early bird price of $70 takes up 70% of my months allowance. usual price of $78 will be a larger proportion of my allowance. Prom is a luxury good to me so yea, i dont really need it.
2) i hate dressing up. asking me to wear a dress and heels for that long?! no way.
3) my friend passed a casual comment the other day. "you can say prom is like a big wardrobe." it feels like a big dress factory to me and yes, there's bound to be someone wearing something similar to what you're wearing. it'll feel weird.
4) as an elder sister who cares a lot about equality between myself and my sister, i already feel that many a times, my sister gets deprived of things that i'm allowed. since she wasnt allowed to go for her only prom in sec4 last year, i should also make it fair that i do not go for my one and only prom too. my friend argues that it's a total different situation but i guess, i dont think that far. it's still the same to me. i'm truly sorry.

that means, my gown is to continue rotting in my cupboard until i next attend a family wedding dinner. time to check out my cousin's progress with his girlfriend. haha. i seriously think he should get married soon. i doubt he'll see this. busy man he is.

updating my caal records online is seriously a chore. such waste of time. ok. i know it's paperless and convenient but it doesnt make a difference when i still need to use up resources while using the comp. due to high oil and fuel prices, the prices of electricity has also gone up and this is not helping. the time wasted could be spent on more efficient stuff like doing more practise questions for my upcoming exams. i'm facing a welfare loss.

yes. i brain feels like revising. i'm just glad market failure doesnt appear here since my teacher just revised market failure with us today. -.- i need to catch some sleep. need to be in school the whole day tmr.

restructured time table's out and PCME got a not so friendly time table. ):

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MRS JALLEH!

2008-07-11T22:48:00.003+08:00

felt like blogging. or rather cos it's the weekend and i'm entitled to use the comp. (: i totally look forward to weekends cos yes, it gives me time to take a short breather. work load is piling up again with all the extra revisions. i'm really glad the teachers are putting in that much of effort for us, which gives me even more reasons to work even harder. it's time i switch back to the mode i used to have a long time ago.

was reflecting on my way home after tuition today. i felt i've become 冷淡 towards people around me. i seem not to care so much for them. dont know what's wrong with me. maybe cos it's my mood swing week of the month but somehow i feel i'm so over bothered by my own worries that i tend to neglect how others feel. something's really wrong with me. ): and i'm truly sorry to people around me. i've been insensitive. i dont know if it's obvious enough but yea. i'm sorry.

poof. this is better after letting it out. haha. this is what happens when i dont know who to talk to and when i desperately feel like letting it out yet no one is around whom i can vend it on. :P

i shall write my cca feedback tmr. it'll be a long long list. haha. MY BED LOOKS MOST INVITING AT THIS MOMENT. (:

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SEET! (:

2008-07-05T09:06:00.002+08:00

i know i've not been performing and everyone has been asking what's wrong. i break down when the subject is raised. not that i dont care. all of them are worried and i am too. who doesnt when exams are in a few months time. just want to say thanks to all of them for the tips given and everything. thanks for being concern, for giving motivation. there are some stuff that cannot be said which is why i choose to remain silent. afterall, i dont want to push the blame. it's solely my fault. i cant take it emotionally but i dont care. i dont care if i remain emo but i'll definitely work harder.

feeling pissed with myself.

2008-06-28T10:03:00.004+08:00

first week of school's over and yes. history repeated itself. ): i guess this is the 3rd time so it wouldnt happen again. i shall put in more effort.

i should say i really look forward to the weekend as i made a promise to myself. i can only use the comp on one day of the weekend. it sounds dumb but i guess it's a small motivation for me to do my homework and revision so that i can use the comp as a prize for working hard over the week. (: another thing to look forward to is the sudoku in weekend today's newspaper. gosh. i think i'm addicted.

went sp for the 3rd time yesterday. haha. and i guess there wont be a 4th since as the saying goes after twice there'll be a 3rd one which was yesterday and it usually wont happen again after that. felt really weird doing work in the library though. and thankfully i had my file to cover my t-shirt so people wont know i'm from nj. lol. for that one hour in the library, i thought it was quite productive. managed to finish hypotheis testing assignment as well as read the frst few pages of chem eqm new notes. the only reason i went there was to satisfy my sis' need for bubble tea. -.- wanted to get my gor gor one but then my sis say so troublesome so i didnt ask in the end. sorry gor gor. (to my gor gor: not my fault cos i dunno if you drink bubble tea. haha. but to be nice, i apologise.)

this is a very random post as i just felt like adding a little little life to this blog. i dont care if anyone reads it.

i have this sudden fear last night. i dunno how to describe it but i thought i felt lonely. ):

shall end off with this. read it somewhere. "The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things." -- Henry Ward Beecher. i should say it means a lot to me. i'm still changing my mindset and finding the happiness since i'm feeling a little down.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIZABETH!
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY RONGRONG!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY LONG and ZHANG KANG!

2008-06-20T16:22:00.003+08:00

this marks my 100-post. wanted to blog a few days ago but was shoo-ed by my sis from her comp. ):

school's starting soon and yes. that's a few more months to A's and i feel so not prepared. ):

to round off the end of my hols, i shall do a final update from my friday the 13th post onwards. friday the 13th wasnt a bad day for me though i was tired. reached home at 11pm+ if i didnt remember wrongly. went out with my parents to ride Singapore Flyer. i should say it's really cool although it's only half and hour. took some pictures though my sis and i felt that that day's pics werent good. cannot find the inspiration i guess. ): pictures of the different colours of the flyer at night can be found from my sis' blog. go find the link. (: i'm too lazy to upload. bought souvenirs too and i should say it's really ex. i bought the Flyer jigsaw puzzle. it's 500 pieces (only) and it's the evening view. shall do after A's. cant wait. (: went for dim sum buffet on fathers' day. nothing much for the weekend i should say. or rather i cant really remember.

went class bbq on mon evening. i guess most of the time i spent was bbqing. celebrated long and zhang kang's bday. it was really funny looking at them playing the kids scissors, paper, stone, the kind where you have to do a big split when you lose. they did it in jacuzzi. after that they played a game called kaching. it's suppose to be like a jackpot machine and they're suppose to do the same actions without communication. apparently it was possible to cheat so we decided that they'll stop when the actions are all different. yea. the actions are kinda silly. poor ernest. got drag in to do it and he's birthday was way over. played bridge with shufang, audrey, bingxin, kim and ernest too. had a great time in general.

tues was cip. although i regretted signing up for it. i should say it wasnt a wrong decision. it was fun. at least now i can say i left NJCOGZ on a good note and i think, now, i can play solo with more confidence. shall go prac some nice songs so that i can play for my parents, aunts and uncles to hear since they like it. that's when i'm bored from studies. as of now, my brain's totally filled with "YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING." shant blog about wed. 家丑不可外扬. yup.

went my gor gors' place yesterday to study. ok. here's my rants. i was pissed off. got told off for wanting to cook at my cousin's place. is that considered playing? ok. maybe i didnt really take into account how long it takes to cook and to clean up the mess which is part of wasting time. so qh and i decided that we'll pack from youshinoya. in the end when we went there, there was no one at the counter serving. we ended up eating bread. ): waited for 854 for so long can and i think we should have alighted one stop before. ok. i shant complain but take it as plain exercise. last thing, i forgot to bring my complex notes. how dumb.

sometimes i think i take what people say too seriously. i mean things that are close to my heart, what i care about, what i've experienced before or what i'm currently going through. maybe i'm just too sensitive. this reminds me of the last day of school in p6. my form teacher stood in front of the whole class and started commenting on each and everyone of us. and yes. she said i'm a very sensitive person. too sensitive i should say.

i broke down last night. went to bed really early and i refuse to get out of bed at 12am when i knew i wouldnt continue to sleep. i fell asleep again after a while. maybe i'm pms-ing. i get tired easily. had a nightmare and i vaguely remember it. something about getting back gp ct paper one and getting a score of 13. DISASTROUS.

that's about it. and i guess that's why i'm afraid of a failing grade. i cannot 对不起自己的良心, 对不起父母+ my sis and 对不起给我很多鼓励的老师, 朋友 and my gor gors. so now i can only think about physics, chem, math, econs and gp. no one wants to fail A's after 2 years in a jc, neither do i.

2008-06-13T09:46:00.004+08:00

i heard my wake up call and thought things through. i guess i've found my ans. wont be blogging so often now. i'm sorry for those who visit oftenly. i'll blog once in a while. (:

removed my board and added archives to my old blog. haha. those were the days.

2008-06-12T21:03:00.002+08:00

suppose to do synopsis and translations for the songs i'm playing for cip in english. this is killing me! how do you translate 月亮代表我的心 and 路边的野花不要采? argh! now i wish i didnt choose these songs. but i've got no choice! co's playing 高山青, 上海滩 and other songs and they are not traditional co pieces too. haiz. what am i to do!? and it's due hours ago. ): sian.

2008-06-10T09:06:00.010+08:00

i feel like sharing pictures today! (:

celebrating silvia's birthday at pitstop cafe. (:

concert 2008 pictures:

before practice

during practice

joycelyn and i posing with our 圣旨. haha

the result of being unable to memorise score. need 2 stands some more. haha

co's full dress rehearsal

last min prac after full dress

i shant show the unglam dinner pictures. haha.

may the memories continue to flow.

2008-06-08T12:01:00.003+08:00

had sat on saturday. haha. it was. hmm. like that lor. as usual. ): i was so angry i couldnt do one of the math questions. eh. not allowed to say here. haha. other than that nth much that left an impression. met seet at AJC. didnt know she took sat too. haha. sorry seet. couldnt go home with you. ):

went out with my sis and gor gors after that. went to play pool and watch kung fu panda. (: as usual, my pool skills suck. haha. both my gor gors play so well can! no match totally. kung fu panda was funny although it didnt really leave the impact. like what my sis said, i thought the line said by master wu gui was one that's really meaningful. "the past is the history, the future is a mystery and the present is a gift." haha. somehow it makes me think. it kind of motivates me too. (:

got to go eat lunch.

2008-06-08T11:05:00.003+08:00

felt like playing o2 jam but i cant seem to connect to the site. grh. and that's not because i'm influenced by my sis, who takes other people's psp to play something similar and up to the extent of playing until there's no battery. so mean. the only reason she doesnt own a psp is because of me. haha. i should say i almost told my mum (who agrees to get her one) to buy her one. omg. thankfully i didnt. sorry gor gor. i know i'm not being helpful.

just wanted to share some gz stuff.

guan1 mo2 hui4
i thought guan1 mo2 hui4 was one successful event. i really appreciate the invitations of associate professor ho, mr phoon and mr lum. i thought their comments for all the various schools' performances were very insightful. in short, the most important parts for ensembles to take note of include accuracy in pitching, namely our 4, 4# and 7; the use of our left hand as a contrast + complement to our right hand's melody and lastly the use of percussion instruments to complement the song. i should say i really learnt a lot from that session though i am very sure most students fell asleep. it made me appreciate the beauty of an ensemble once again and the importance of each and every single person in the ensemble. we need the confidence, more than the skills to portray our music. gosh. i think i'm gonna consider studying chinese music which is something really tough.

another thing about guan1 mo2 hui4 was the talk by master lian rong shi. (and true enough, more people were asleep.) i should say he's a really learnt person about the history of gz and how it has changed over the years into what we see and know as of today. not only that, he also mentioned about the differences in the way chinese music pieces are being composed and expressed by different people from different dynasties in the past. i was totally amazed and i thought that's really interesting. i should say it really takes much effort to really appreciate and to play those pieces well.

concert 2008
as i kept telling my friend, this is an informal concert so i dont really care; i dont care if i dont play well, i dont care if everything doesnt run smoothly. perhaps in the first place i wasnt really in the mood for concert so i kept on thinking things wont run that well. i should say i was quite a loner during all the practices so it makes me want to just finish the concert fast. just get it done and move on. however, nearing the concert itself, i started to feel that maybe it wasnt that bad. it really helped feeling more positive and that explains why i will start to miss going for gz practices. i will miss the juniors although no promises that i'll go back and play if help is required. for once, i should say i really really really love performing, to be on stage sharing my music.

thank you seniors for coming back to support me, namely alina, hanling, huiping, jianyue, vee vee, gwenda, chenye, jia fang, wanxuan, wenying, yuquan. elizabeth too! although you couldnt make it. and others. cant rmb so many people's names. sorry.

thank you to my sis, jerry gor gor and joel gor gor for going too! (: and thanks to joel gor gor for sending my sis and i home. i could have gotten a free ride home. i didnt know jianyue drove to school to watch our concert! ): nvm.

thanks kaixin for the gz scores! (:

that's all for gz stuff.

2008-06-03T21:45:00.002+08:00

i've been in this dilema which is quite retarded. should i use my own gz to play 飞天 on thurs or 不能说的秘密? i like my gz because the base sounds really good when i play 不能说的秘密 but for that, the opportunity cost would be that my 4, 4# and 7 will be out of tune for 飞天 (i sit at different seats for both songs). how?! i need to decide in 48 hours?! ):

i should admit i havent been paying full attention during cca. i kept on thinking about family stuff, that's why i seem as if i dont really care during cca. (kaixin, if you're reading this. i guess that kind of explains my attitude lately.) haiz.. the same question rings in my head. why is it that things have to happen before i learn to appreciate people around me. why?! to realise that it's too late will never help solve the problem. i'm so afraid now but what can i do? what is considered enough when one says we should cherish people around us? how far can we go in cherishing people? and yes, the ans to my friend's question sometime ago is that i'm really afraid losing people really close to me. i guess i'm too emotionally scarred from news about death, illness and problems aggravating health conditions.

how am i going to pull myself out from this state?! i want to scream so loudly. i desperately need to let it out.

2008-06-03T20:31:00.003+08:00

the last time i wanted to blog in chinese, i gave up halfway. today i shall attempt it again. hope i'll be able to finish the post. my chinese is bad, not that my english is good either but i shall give it a try again.

首先要向支持我的朋友与亲友们说声非常对不起。我知道，或许是因为我还在古筝团的关系，因此你们肯买票回来看演出，为我加油。我万分感激。但是，以今天的彩排，我不敢肯定星期四的演出会是一场很好，有水准的音乐会。这是我第一次看到彩排也会乱到这种地步。我觉得大多数的人根本就不知道到底在发生什么事。我们不是真个乐团吗？我们所谓的最后一次演出就要这样结束吗？

我觉得很对不起师姐及师兄们。这回演出的其中一首曲子是我们曾经弹过的。或许因为这次弹奏《飞天》的朋友们年纪比较小，因此弹不出乐曲的感觉。但有时我却认为那是因为我们当时比较用心地去体会乐曲所要表达的情感，不断的练习曲子，不像现在我们只想把曲子弹完。当时我真的感受到了我们是个古筝团，一个能呈现好音乐的大家庭。这种感觉不再存在了。

我只能说希望懂得华乐的大家不要抱太大的希望去听演奏会。NJCOGZ已承认这不是一场正式的音乐会；NJCO不打领带，NJGZ 不穿 cord shoes, 不需要有同样的 dress code，我只能说我认为这对观众来说是非常不公平与不尊敬的，但我也不能做出改变，也只好认了。

好的开始是成功的一半，我也许再也不会相信这句话了。选择NJCOGZ 或许给了我好的开始，但我却连四分之一的“成功”都感受不到。

期待度过星期四，完成我的诺言，同时从此离开，不再踏入NJCOGZ。对不起，我可爱的学妹们。

2008-05-29T22:24:00.004+08:00

poof. it feels better letting it out. but then, i got other stuff to worry about apart from that. haiz. family stuff. that explains my emo-ness for the past week. but at least i think i'm getting better. (: baoru 加油加油加油! (:

2008-05-29T20:09:00.010+08:00

i was thinking of doing a long long post, a reflection on my 3 and slightly more than half a year in NJCOGZ, but i think i'll give up half way cos i'm just typing what comes to mind. J2s will officially step down after 5th June's concert and i thought it'll be great to seal the memories, experience gained as well as lessons learnt. i should say, i've grown so much from the naiive IP1 to now, a graduating J2. how time really flies.

2004
started my first practice in november as ms lim asked me to join NJCOGZ. this was when i made my promise to her that i'll not quit and switch to other cca-s. i guess that was what really kept me in guzheng. i couldnt let her down even if i'm not happy being there.

i should say my first impression of the state of NJGZ wasnt a good one. there was much to adapt to as there wasnt a proper practicing area like that of NY. that was the first time i had to carry the 12kg gz from the small co room to one of the classrooms at TA which was considerably far. but now that i look back, i think it had been a good exercise for me as i can now carry the gz and a set of the stands together with ease. apart from carrying instru, before using the classroom, we had to clear the tables and chairs first which is such a tiring job as most people dont like to do it. but what really surprised me most were the seniors' attitude. i miss those days where there's much initiative and that actually motivates me to do these fast. all the seniors help with arranging the tables and chairs, not like now, if no one starts the flow, the others will just stand around and let time pass. such a waste of time. and to be honest, at times i had to start the flow and people take their own sweet time to follow. why?

i thought i will be the loner during my first very lesson but i'm glad i wasnt left alone. ms lim made me join part 2 and the seniors are really nice. when ms lim gave breaks, they asked me along to the canteen and showed me around a bit. haha. i remembered one of them saying. "yes. she sknows how to play. can share our burden." now that i think about it, it seems in the past, there werent so much cca politics. or perhaps it was just me, i was not in it yet.

2005
major events include SYF and the annual concert Aurora.

i was glad i could get a chance to play. most people would have missed the chance due to the transition to JC. i would say i was quite shocked at the standards of NJGZ as i was considered one of the better players even though back in NY, i was one of the lousiest. i got to play small solo parts and that was where i guess i started to develop a proper interest in playing gz pieces well. i learnt to express my interpretation of the music and i guess that makes me different from the rest. plus my fellow gz mate's a super pro and he teaches me new stuff, gz sessions was great. and yes. i really mean was. it's the past. maybe it's just me, perhaps because i was the youngest back then, that's why they treated me really well. and i really appreciate them for it.

i really admire how much effort my seniors put in. we had intensive practices before SYF and i could always feel the spirit of the songs. the president also lead well as she often make us play the song and she listens to them and pin-pointing the small mistakes we always make. all these never happened again after that batch graduated. i should say it became more slack.

then came the exco elections and yes. i got my first taste of cca politics. i ran for exco without experience and was the youngest. i could still remember the president's (who was my NY cca leader as well as the one who auditioned me together with the tchr in charge when 6 of us were "fighting" for 2 places in NYGZ) question during the election speech day "being the youngest, how would you make final decisions for the entire co population?" it wasnt hard to give a politically right answer but to me, it meant a lot, especially the high responsibilty level when we move to a jc. in sec sch, i should say most of us are quite spoon fed but in a jc, i learnt that we need to make decisions ourselves, in the best interest of everyone. and most of the time, it's a hard choice. there's always much to sacrifice. all the preparation and yes like everyone says, the exco does the "sai-kang". for me now, those were the days.

i could still rmb Aurora 6, after i got into exco. i rmb losing my temper at my senior but she was so forgiving. i rmb the whole cca pic where there was at least 100 members. i should say 2005 was one of my best years. like how mr tek puts it, we were at our peak.

2006
Aurora 7
got to play solo for which i was so disappointed with myself. nevertheless, it was a very good experience as i finally understand what it's like playing solo on stage. it is really scary.

Japan trip
the trip we looked forward to for so long. that was the last event before my batch of exco steps down. i should say i was glad i got to perform solo at japan. now that i think back, i feel sorry for my fellow gz mate. i was given the chance and not him. so currently, i'm in such a situation but i learnt to accept that yes, my juniors do deserve a chance too. 既然经历过, 把机会让给别人吧. (:

Japan trip brought me closer to my fellow CO mates. or rather i was shocked by one of my fellow gz mate's (whom i was quite close to) personality change. or maybe it was just me, i didnt notice that she was like that. but we're ok now so there's nothing to feel bad about. (: that was why i was with my co friends instead. i should say it was exco that led me to better understand co and their people and again, perhaps because i was still the 小妹妹, they were really nice to me. we had a video (i think it's on youtube. omg. haha) for our Japan trip which is an hour plus long. it captures our week there and our interactions with the students there. gosh. i miss those days really. it was so much fun visiting the various places and yes. disney. haha. was with amelia, ye wee, jingxin and vincent. i can still rmb how they teased me cos i didnt dare sit the go kart myself. in the end i sat with amelia. we played the tea cup and ye wee and i were spinning like siao. i think everyone was looking at us cos we just didnt stop till the end. and yes. we went space mountain consecutively 3 times and i sat the front seat for 2 times. gosh. vincent and i were really 自-highing. he still teased me saying i wont dare to seat the front seat. whatever. i got through it. (: and yes. haunted mansion. amelia was so scared, vincent and i were making funny noises at her (cos the chair could sit 3 people and she sat in the middle and vincent and i on each of her sides) to freak her out. haha. we went it's a small world too and the song kept ringing in my head after the boat ride. ): disney is super fun! we went shopping too and the pooh's honey hut is so cute and fun. too bad we had to skip the night parade for it. ): i dunno. somehow i feel so much better with seniors. we could just fool around, joke and play so hard, not like now. it's so different. this makes me think what exactly does friendship really mean?

2007 (ok. i'm kinda dying now. i'm gonna give up soon.)
i should say this is where i start to feel that being in NJCOGZ was a total wrong choice. erm. by balancing the happiness and the reality that i've seen out of people, it seems it's more inclined towards how evil people can be and that makes me rethink my choice being in NJGZ. i became unhappy. i dread cca.

the turning point came during elections. from my point of view, it's the email that casued the subsequent happening. many of my friends and even i myself thought my chance of getting into exco was high but in the end, it wasnt the case. i was depressed over it. cried for a few days but i understood the reason i didnt get in. and i'm thankful i'm not in the mess. from an evil point of view, it's a very good chance for me to laugh at the exco for the state they're in for which i felt that if i'm in, i could have did something better. from another point of view, i felt sad for those who truly wanted to contribute but somehow they are not given the equal amount of chance to share their perceptions. the worse thing for me is that i cant do anything to help them because i've got no authority. by that plain reason, i kept it to myself. they talk to me, i'll listen and empathise with them. that's the least i could do. i talk to the pres, secretary and gz's exco. i'm just surprise i can take it. i learnt to appreciate not being in the circle. seeing it from outside the circle allows me to see so much more at times.

2008
guan mo hui's tmr and concert's in a week's time. more cca politics. the teacher said he never saw an exco that cannot self run. i feel 对不起 towards the teacher advisor. i should say he's the only teacher i respect the most. he put in so much effort to build up the whole cogz to the peak in 2005 and yet the cca is going downhill. sometimes i really wonder what will happen after my batch graduates. what's worse, i was thinking along the lines of 倒台. it's really sad.

i've seen how much i've grown. i've seen how much people have changed these days. from looking at the seniors to now my friends and i being the seniors, it seems we're so incapable. was talking to my friend today and yes. we didnt want our exit from NJCOGZ to be like this. the only thing that's thankful for is that we made new friends and it could be long lasting. however, what else we take away are nothing but unhappiness. as we look at our juniors, we see that we were once as happy, lively and naiive like them but we've changed to become nasty, pushing the responsibilities and being messed up in so much cca politics. why is it that people can be so unrealistic and plan things that are not feasible? why is it always so painful letting it go. is it because we just care too much? but if we dont care, how would the rest pick up in such a short time and on high demand? why is it that things end up happening this way and we're so helpless? why?

it hurts. it really really really hurts that badly. it requires lots of patience to pull through 4 years without feeling sian when there's so much politics.

but till the end, i kept my promise. i need a break.

2008-05-27T08:33:00.002+08:00

i thought i 想通了 but it seems i'm wrong. more things are happening! haiz.. maybe i shouldnt care in the first place but that's not my nature. how can i help to change the situation? why is it that some people are just too kind? this is driving me nuts.

2008-05-23T22:50:00.002+08:00

that day my friend asked me this question. "what are you most afraid of now?" i guess that struck me really hard. really really really hard. ): maybe i need to clear my thoughts once again. i've got to stop being emo and move on. oh gosh. what is seriously wrong with me?!

2008-05-22T15:44:00.002+08:00

added a song. i also dont know why i want it on my blog.

2008-05-21T23:09:00.004+08:00

spent a quarter of the day in SP today. i'm like after exam 吃饱没事干, of all places go there. haha. so dumb. some more so far from home, plus going with my sis early in the morning means must wake up early. why should i compromise my sleep? i'm mad i guess. too high after CTs.

so today, although i spent most of the time mugging SATs and doing econs hwk in the library, i still got conclusion and comments to make. wah. better dont trust it cos it must be really biased. never do a lot of research. gosh. i think i'm feeling a bit too high. ok. here it goes:

1. polys are huge. it is impossible to not get lost.
2. polys are good place to do surveys if the survey is targetted at teenagers. (:
3. if you want to see the fashion trend, try polys.
4. the canteens are totally crowded during lunch breaks. worse than in a jc. maybe putting a tissue pack will help save a seat. -.- now i really appreciate jc canteens even though they get super crowded but the condition is not as bad as in a poly.
5. i think poly students can look very fierce.
6. i like the sandwich machine although i think it's ex.
7. i like the library. i bet it probably have the h3 books that my friends cant find. dunno just guessing since there's so many books and so many levels!

comp no batt. i shall stop here. :P

2008-05-20T20:37:00.002+08:00

YES! CTs are over. physics was just bad. worse than chem. gosh. i need physics tuition! ): ok. i shant blog the emo stuff. just want to say thanks to those who've been hearing me out these few days, especially ziyin, bingxin, qh and my gor gor. (:

next up on the list:
SATs
concert
holiday hwk. got physics' today and yes. it's even thicker than chem. OMG.

2008-05-16T16:24:00.002+08:00

for interested people:

NJCOGZ concert 我们的音乐
5th June 2008 Thursday
7.30pm
Ngee Ann Kongsi Performing Arts Theatre (LT5)

2008-05-16T15:20:00.003+08:00

taking a break from studying since it's the weekend. left physics paper. may i at least pass the paper on tues. haiz.. i'm really afraid of my sciences. ):

so far had gp, econs, math and chem. i guess they're all just equally bad. either i borderline pass it or it's a fail. i can forsee the Us on my progress report. haiz.. sometimes i really feel that studying is just useless. no matter how much effort i put in, it's still as bad.

cant wait for tues to come. may physics end on a good note and i'll be spared from the thick stacks of notes for a while before i face the thick blue SATs book. grh. but at least SATs' math is not as hard. just need to mug hard for english. (: that's all. i shall go play some games! whee!

Here's a song that i've been looking for for quite some time. thanks loads gor gor for helping me find it. (:

At the Beginning by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis:

We were strangers starting out on our journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected what you did to my heart
When I lost hope you were there to remind me
This is the start

(chorus)
And Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A Wonderful journey

I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there whenthe storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

(chorus)

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
I know that my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

(chorus)

In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you

it reminds me of the farewell party for ms tan last year. it brings back so many memories. the ups and downs. everything related to cca from 2005 to 2007. -i miss ms tan. bittersweetness-

2008-05-12T15:38:00.002+08:00

i need to stop letting my thoughts trail off. ):

i feel like hugging a big bear tightly.

CTs will start in about 40 hours time. jia you jia you jia you! (:

2008-04-30T22:05:00.003+08:00

i'm so glad that tmr is a holiday. i'm seriously having a big headache. this is worse than last week's. ):

three weeks ago, our class started our long term CIP at a primary school. First week was fine as we did intro and games. got to know the p4 kids better. at least we're able to tell their names. my first impression. alright. they should be an okay bunch of kids to work with. we started on math properly the week after and i was so glad my tutee was a really nice girl. she shares with me how she revise math with her dad every night. i thought that was sweet. (: then last week we had lesser people and i was taking my friend's tutee. two of them. that's it. my first headache. when all of the kids are separated, they are really alright. put two of them together and gosh. so happened the two of my tutees are quite playful and they decided that that day was opposite day. they did their work slowly but i'm glad at least they sat down at their tables. today's was just a hell out of my life. first time i shouted at kids. i've seriously never experienced this before and i doubt so when i was in p4. maybe because my class was one of the better classes. today we had house session in school so only 4 of us went. so bingxin and i took the p3 kids while shufang and crystal took the p4 kids. there's p3 kids as the teacher taught there were quite many of us to start off with.

so last week i had a slight headache handling two naughty kids and now i'm having a really big one because today the kids just ran around the room and refuse to do their work. bingxin's kid was like doing a question correctly and decided to run round the room once and bang his head on the door and pretend to be dead on the floor. he just consecutively does that. and we cant seem to stop them. maybe cos there's only the two of us facing 10 kids. to be honest and not bias, the girls are alright.

bingxin and i came to a conclusion why parents want to send their kids to good, famous schools. and i think this is really true. i guess kids there are definitely more proper and they wont resort to vulgarities and just refuse to do their work or have attitude problem. today's experience is seriously enough. i'm tired. maybe it's time we talk to the teachers about this and perhaps do some reflections on our part as well.

i've got a new name from the p4 kid whom i tutored last week. Auntie B. right. i realise since p4, i've never been given so many new names or being told that i look like some other creatures. gosh. am i living in the right period of time? i thought that only happens in primary school. -.-

2008-04-26T22:10:00.003+08:00

as of today before physics SPA exam, i am now given another 2 extra names. baobalicious and barium oxide (BaO). wow. -.- i seriously dont understand. baoru very difficult to call meh? and bingxin's theory of choosing the more difficult path instead of the easier one still cannot sink into me. haha.

today's my rotting day and no-use-of-brain-day. haha. after physics SPA, that marks the end of 4 tests+exam for the week. my hand really needs time off to rest after so many consecutive papers. and yes, my brain too! wanted to rot at home today and be an irritating kid and disturb my sis but i decided to be nice and go out with my parents to suntec. they wanted to go to the beauty and healthcare fair cos my mum wanted to look for some blood pressure measuring machine. haiz.. something happened. ):

it was just another fair but not so many people. (of course! cos it's not food fair. :P) the funny thing was, there was a booth selling ice-cream and another selling electronics. hmm.. it's a beauty and healthcare fair. daddy met his ex-classmate there. (:

today after SPA, took 852 home. my primary school classmate was on the bus too but we didnt say hi. it seems as though we dont even know each other. ): this really makes me wonder what's wrong with the term friendship. or rather what's wrong with people. how sad? i thought about in life when we part during death, we part with our friends as well, so does it matter if we have friends in life? but without friends, i wouldnt be experiencing all the encouragement, getting chances to confide in my close friends and everything good about having friends. haiz.. i think it's just me. shant continue to think about this. stop killing unnecessary brain cells! haha.

i dont have a half day on monday! cant wait for thursday to come. NO SCHOOL! whee!

2008-04-21T21:58:00.002+08:00

went NTUC with my parents after dinner and we bought ice-cream cos i suddenly felt like eating. gosh! i'm so gonna put on weight. :( but i deserve my treat since it's after napfa. besides, my mum and sis ate so much during the period when i'm trying so hard not to eat (before napfa).

was re-trying the traditional vietnamese costume i customed made last year in vietnam. haha. i can fit now! though it's kind of just nice fitting. haha. i remembered i couldnt fit when i first got it. omg. right. should slim down some more. (i still want my ice-cream!)

physics test's just bad today. it was a relatively alright paper but i couldnt do the explanations. ): ok. that boils down to, stop reading the notes and do more practice questions. so glad that mr chan's really encouraging. cant wait for his test papers!

everyone around me's falling sick! take care loads everyone! there's a bad flu buggie spreading! ):

2008-04-20T09:51:00.003+08:00

wanted to blog a few days ago but couldnt find the time. anyways, i forgot what i wanted to blog about. haha. must be something emo again. oops. haha. this post wont be. (:

wasted my whole saturday out. morning had Chem SPA which i felt not confident of my answer, went for extra tuition in the afternoon which was slightly longer than 2 hours. gosh. was really drained out after that. but i'm glad my teacher bothers to give an extra lesson. after which met up with qh and my parents for dinner. waited for them for more than one hour at safra! haha. almost wanted them to treat qh and i a great meal for making us wait for so long but because they were at spa, they said qh and i can go for a session the next time round (not the chem SPA. haha). ok. i'm so happy cos i've never tried it before. though we are under age. qh was still saying about how her experience in a jacuzzi and the sauna at malacca when she was 10 (cannot remember the age). that's even more under age. haha. shall elaborate on what happened.

it was my dad's school staffs and their family trip to malaysia. i bought a new swim suit in malacca cos i needed a new one. till now i till think it's one of the nicest cos i dont see it in singapore! (: haha. so happen qh's gym instructor was in the trip as well and they wanted to go to the hotel's jacuzzi so they asked if my sis wanted to join them and yes! i had to let her wear my new swim suit. grh. i dont really bother about it now cos she hasnt been to an onsen before. haha. i think an onsen is more fun especially going with friends in japan itself. (: whee! i miss those days.

back to 2008. my parent said they wanted to eat at the chinese restaurant cos there was this promotion for which you spend a min of $100, you'll get to pay half the price so i got to eat a wonderful meal. after that my dad said he wanted to go to the jackpot room. so we all went and qh didnt dare go in. haha. my conclusion hasnt changed. it's a dumb thing to play jackpot. qh went to the bowling alley and saw an empty pool table and that was how we spent the time after dinner. dragged me to play with her. 4 games while my dad remains in the jackpot room. it was good relaxation for me and yes. i managed to improve on my skill! (: went home after that and did a bit of work before spending time in front of the tv.

should go do work now, after yesterday's relaxation. but seriously, i never felt that much of relaxation for a while and yes. it does helps. (: jia you jia you jia you!

2008-04-13T08:02:00.005+08:00

didnt felt like blogging cos it's not gonna be a happy entry and people's gonna think i'm emo again but i made a promise and i've got to keep a promise, so here it goes. i'm truly sorry but i've been feeling down again. maybe i'm PMS-ing. it happens. ):

the first two days of the week was still alright. had half day on tues for good results. (: went seoul garden for dinner on tues to have an early celebration for my daddy's birthday. the last time i went seoul garden was when i was 10 or 11? haha. i cant believe it myself. seoul garden changed a lot and i doubt i'll go again. i dont really like it. ): having had such a full dinner, i was guilty cos the next day was 2.4km. haha. i was quite glas i wasnt the only one cos my classmates went out and they had a lot of food too in celebration of a half day. (:

i think i broke my own record. 14:47min for 2.4km. that's a B and i'm satisfied. couldnt believe it myself. i didnt check the timings for a C and i was happily aiming for 16:30min cos i had this feeling that dinner yesterday wasnt properly digested. :S thanks to Andre who ran the last two rounds with me. thanks to ziyin for pushing me for the last 100m. really appreciate it. (:

thurs did 5 stations. i was just so pessimistic, keep on saying i cant do standing broad jump, shuttle run and incline. the teacher was saying i should stop telling myself i cant do it. to tell the truth, i was not really in the mood cos i was aching from yesterday's run and i didnt have 心理准备. was still thinking i'll train for another week. in the end my teacher helped me passed standing broad jump, incline and shuttle run. haha. was really glad that he didnt mind me trying and trying non-stop. haha. and i really want to thank my classmates who cheered for me when i pass standing broad jump. it may be just a simple thing and very natural for people to do so but it means a lot to me. i'm just glad there are people who cares. gosh. i'm like tearing. haiz.. i think i'm just too sensitive. brokedown at night. cried myself to sleep. maybe i've been running too much wild thoughts of everything from grades to friends to cca and everything. woke up the next day with puffy eyes. ):

so from thursday onwards, i'm just aching all over and till today, i still kinda hurt. haha. it shows how unfit i am. :P friday was the released of pw results. my teacher just came to the LT with one piece of paper. 99% As and Bs(NJC), 82% As(NJC) and 44% As(national average). my class had a B and a C, the rest got A. on one hand i'm glad my whole group got an A--thank you Crystal, Ziyin, Shu Fang and Enqin. without the 4 of you, we couldnt have done it. will remember the late nights we spent together and the countless rehearsals that we went through and the days we spent at crystal's house. they've not gone to waste-- but i was more sad that it was one of my closer friend who got a B. i cant say who cos i'm not suppose to spread the word around. only a few of us know who got B. i truly feel she deserved an A, what with she being the group leader. when my teacher released the results, it didnt impact me. i dunno why. i should be happy with an A but it just didnt seem so. i was so prepared for a B. maybe i think too much. i talked to my sis about it and she said i'm weird. whatever grade i got, i seem unsatisfied. maybe i expect too much of myself. so far for the pass 3 major exams i ever had, it seems none made me felt accomplished. haiz.. i think i need a brainwash.

fell sick on saturday. wasted the whole afternoon in bed with blanket and no fan but it didnt work. went to the doctor in the evening and i'm pronounced sick. haiz.. my resolution for this year was not to fall sick. ): asked about my stomach problem again and the doctor said i've got a sensitive large intestine. that's what causing my problem of being unable to pass motion properly. haiz.. everything also sensitive, nose, skin now intestine. i'm so lousy can. i'm losing my self esteem i guess. the doctor said i was too stress. that's what let to a sensitive large intestine. haiz.. ok. i'm just glad it's not serious and perhaps it will go away after A levels. so for now, i've got to find ways to stop being so stressful. to think of it, i dunno what i'm stressed about. ok. maybe it's grades, maybe it's my mindset. maybe i'm just so bad at time management. haiz.. how can i stop thinking of so much things? like what my mum kept on saying about me. 你拿得起, 放不下. and i think over the years, i still havent change. maybe i need a new life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDRE! (:
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY DADDY! (:
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY AMELIA! (:
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY SIE YEN! (:

2008-04-07T20:00:00.003+08:00

i am using the comp again. lately, i've been finding excuses to blog and this is not very good. i should spend more time mugging. haiz.. all i can think of is mugging. ): what life!

i'm really feeling the stress level building up. this week there's electrochem test, next week quantum 1 and 2 test plus chem SPA, the week after next will be math test plus physics SPA, week 7 econs test. common test is coming! was having this really short chat with mr chan after physics class with ziyin and shufang today and yes. we were reminded about studying for common test. he asked, "how's your revision going?" ha. i bet the three of us were struck cos we didnt say a single thing. the good thing was he gave us tips as to how we should start now. it's not too late after all. and yes. i should be looking at physics instead of this. I NEED TO STOP FAILING TESTS! not that i didnt put in the effort, my teacher exercises her rule of marking down for all our work to make us want to do better (for econs at least). this explains the highest of 6/13 in class. i got 5. that is still as bad. second test was not any better. i scraped through with 8/17. i was just glad that's a sub-pass. she still threatened to kick us out of her class. will never forget the tension level in class. she reads out the name and started saying in and out. phew! thank god she was just joking cos in the end there were only about 6-7 people staying which is impossible (counting from the in and outs she mentioned). really appreciate her effort to keep us mugging harder.

not that i'm using the comp without a purpose today. i'm making an effort, looking at stuff for physics SPA. haha. hope i'll get pass it. with so much to write in an hour, plus we need to think on the spot before even starting, haiz.. must have really good time management skills! what must i know about the LDR and the switching on and off of a street lamp?! i need to try practice task 12!

friday's tuition was great. finally i dont feel lonely in class cos shufang's going tuition with me. haha. shared subway for dinner! (: i really think the world is too small. ok. to be more precise, Singapore. haha. my gor gor's ex teacher teaches at my tuition centre and was the lecturer for the first lecture i went for. haha. how coincident. (: i thought the lecture was really great as it really provoked my thoughts and expanded my understanding about the media. consumers should be blamed for unsophisticated shows aired. ha.

went 扫墓 on saturday. wasnt really in the mood cos it was afternoon. dont know why. haiz.. ever since my great grandma passed away, i havent had good feelings towards anything related to death or the deceased. maybe i'm just being paranoid and everything. i thought about mr loh when i read the newspaper about the reforming of Singapore's dragonboat team just now. ): haiz..

after 扫墓, went bishan library cos my dad wanted to go to the NTUC (not the one at junction 8) to collect some stuff. i thought it was a nice place. was reading some stuff about stemcell research and ethics. yea. it's interesting. didnt manage to finish the article. shall find some time to go down again. (: i saw this book with quotes and pictures of penguins and another one with pandas. the pictures are really cute! (: haha. i prefer the penguin ones. qh got so irritated with me when i showed her and tell her how cute the penguins are. she gave up and ignored me. ): haha. i saw this quote and yes. i think sometimes that's what keeps me perservering. "The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things."--Henry Ward Beecher ( i dont know who's that.)

2008-04-03T22:00:00.003+08:00

yesterday on my way home after cca, i listened to this song on my mp3 properly for the first time and i thought it was really nice:

我们小时候

词曲，歌手：Tank

小时候我总会这样牵着你的手
只是盼望能够在你的身边守候
为了保护你不小心割破手指头
这个小伤却让你泪流心痛

长大后我们越来越远
分隔地球的两边
何时才能够见面
熟悉微笑的脸

回忆起我们小时候
闭上眼就能够感受
在我们心中慢慢流动的温柔
离开了我们小时候
现在你会不会想我
也许你找到一个人为你守候
我了了

回忆起我们小时候
闭上眼就能够感受
站在窗前跟你说了晚安就走
离开了我们小时候
现在的你不在想我
这个时候我了了

2008-04-03T21:30:00.004+08:00

i'm squeezing in teeny-weeny time for this since i need to print stuff from my school webbie. haha.

my back hurts! it really really really hurts! i've got this funny feeling that i'll be bedridden tomorrow. haha. like real. i'm so unfit. i need to exercise more, after all the slack weeks and yes, the food and snacks i've been feeding myself! gosh! to face reality, NAPFA starts next week. 2.4km. grh! but i'm glad this will be the last time. (: WONDERFUL! till now, i still cant do standing broad jump. how on earth am i going to pass? haiz.. ): jumping and jumping and jumping during pe today. i'm so tired now. zZz. i really pray that i'll just scrape through it next next week. i dont want to redo!

cca yesterday was a total waste of time. not really for me but my friends. so waste of time. ok. we were standing outside the room for one whole hour not knowing what to do. ): i think my friends went home. i was left to play with the juniors cos ms lim says she needs someone to cover for those who cannot play for the concert. this is just crap. i can just turn up for the performance cos i'm playing the same old parts. how boring. but i cant help it. no time to prac a new part at home. not to boast but seriously, i can sight read. i dont mind going for a few sessions but to turn up for all? this is just too much.

episode three of cogz politics:
heard that the majority voted that they did not want a concert as it was too time consuming and that it compromises j2s study time. but the concert will continue because this is the only way to keep j2s coming for prac as we have nothing to do at cca already. secondly, i heard that in order to help some particular person to have a better cca record, this concert would serve as a good one as this person is chairing the concert committee. like what's wrong with the world? i want to swear! if voting does not count, why should people be asked to vote in the first place? where's the equality and fairness? what is wrong with people? so what if the concert takes place and no one is playing with the passion and emotions for the songs; no one is enjoying sharing their music? what if it ends up not up to standards? is the concert worthy?

sian. i am pissed off. i guess the exco is still fighting out the whole concert issue. i hope the verdict would be a good one.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY HUIMIN! i miss you.
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY WENYING!
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY JUNWEI!

2008-03-31T22:22:00.006+08:00

was just randomly sourcing for lyrics and yes, i really do like these:

细水长流

词曲：梁文福

年少时候，谁没有梦，无意之中，你将心愿透露。
就在你生日的时候，我将小小口琴送，最难忘记，你的笑容。
友情的细水慢慢流，流进了你我的心中。
曾在球场边为你欢呼，你跌伤我背负。
夜里流星飞渡，想象着他日的路途，晚风听着我们壮志无数。

年少时候，谁没有愁，满腔愤概，唯有你能听得懂。
每当我失意的时候，你将那首歌吹奏，琴声悠悠，解我轻忧。
岁月的细水满满流，流到了别离的时候。
轻拍你的肩，听我说朋友不要太惆怅。
霓虹纵然再嚣张，我们的步履有方向，成败不论切莫将昔日遗忘。

多年以后，又再相逢，我们都有了疲倦的笑容。
问一声我的朋友，何时再为我吹奏。
是否依旧，是否依旧。
人生的际遇千百种，但有知心长相重。人愿长久，水愿长流，年少时候。

2008-03-31T19:34:00.004+08:00

i felt emo again today. i dont know why but i guess it was because i lacked sleep ): my whole body seems to be aching. ): and i strongly believe that essence of chicken is not working on me anymore. guess i'm immune to it, just like people who take too much panadol. i should stop relying on that. haha. ok. i know some people think eating essence of chicken is weird. too bad. one man's dish is another's poison. :P

i thought today would be another dooms day for me cos firstly, i wasnt even wide awake for school. reaching the interchange to find the usual queue for 852 as long as ever, my dad said "we shall take the 6.20am bus." "and to risk turning up late for work?" i replied. he said it was alright and so we waited. guess what? when the bus driver started the bus, he couldnt get the ezlink machine to operate properly and there goes the extra 10minutes of waiting at the door of the bus. now my dad's gonna be late and i am not at all happy. my physics SPA practice task was still blank and i planned to complete it in school before assembly. my dad reached school at 7.28am. for me, yes, my practice task remains undone and i am totally guilty. today's so not going to be a good day for me. but i was wrong. haha. ok. no surprises but i was just glad i managed to pull through.

i didnt fall asleep during lecture and i was so lucky enough that my teacher didnt go through the practice task that i didnt do. what a relieve but yes, i was so afraid cos i was sitting in the front row during lab today. bingxin brought dried cuttlefish today and i had some in the morning before assembly. the whole bottle was gone by the end of the second period cos so happened ernest wanted to eat and he ate before chem lecture started. ms ang saw it and that was it. she confiscated it and shared with ms lim (my chem teacher). haha. it was really funny cos they were eating too. bingxin was more than happy cos she wanted to get rid of it. moral of the story: if you want to clear food from home, bring to school and let the guys eat them. haha. it'll end up being confiscated and that's the fastest way of getting rid of the food. whee! haha. i thought that was funny. yea. nothing much for math. contact was just bad. i never thought a dialogue session with the principal would work but alright, i was proven a little wrong as i do see that the principal is concern about our progress in studies. just that i think dialogue with a big group of students dont seem feasible. it could have been better if she's clear of the classes we're in and the combi taken by the students. the session would have been more fruitful i guess. school ended at 1.20pm. whee! short day for me. after tuning my gz. i went back to study in the library. it didnt help. had a really bad headache and i decided to go look for my dad. that was where i checked the list of students required to attend the consolidation lect for physics and surprise! i dont need to go. i was amazed but i think i'll just turn up for it. not like they'll know since it's in a lect theatre. (:

in the end, i think my day's just all right, though i dont know why i still feel emo. got my hair cut after dinner. hope i'll feel better as the week pass. jia you jia you jia you! (:

i want a new blogskin.

beware: it's april fool's tomorrow!! haha.

2008-03-30T20:24:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling emo again. ): what's wrong with me? haiz.. thinking about stuff that happened throughout this month again. there were things to be happy about but most of the time, i think i'm feeling sad within.

when school reopened, my friends gave me my belated birthday presents. haha. a pooh 20-pocket folder, a pooh pencil case, a pooh pouch and a big pooh towel. was really touched cos i was feeling down throughout the whole march hols. that really brightened up my day. thanks loads! (: really sorry for cancelling the bbq that we planned for so long.

then the math test that was a disaster. how can i score a single digit. this is my worst math paper ever and yes, as promised, i wont let that happen again. (i want pepper lunch!!) but to think of the reason why i failed, i deserve it. on the brighter side, i didnt go against my own values. we should all learn to face deaths of our loved ones.

and that led me to really think about what is the significance of life.

before the performance with the SPH choir, ms lim was trying so hard to make us play with emotions, the song ju hua tai. she talked about death, about how we will think about the person and everything. i dont know but it just doesnt feel right for me. maybe i'm thinking too much. i shouldnt dwell on it. life moves on.

(i'm stopping here. i cant bring myself to continue.)

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO SHERFENG! (i'm so sorry i didnt know it was your birthday.)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ENQIN!

2008-03-22T10:52:00.007+08:00

i'm in a good mood today. whee! it's finally the end of the week. but i'm still not happy that i dont get a public holiday off. ): haha. but to spend time with seniors, performing with them again, i'm quite glad. haha. so contradicting. :P

yesterday's performance was not our best but it's over and yes. i can spend more time with my family! was really sad that i had to eat dinner by myself for the whole week. all the late nights, returning home after 10pm everyday. ): haiz.. oh. yesterday was a full house performance. couldnt believe it when i first heard.

just want to say a big thank you to all my seniors who came back to see NJGZ. i know you all come back cos i'm still around. haha. just kidding. things have changed for NJGZ but we still had fun together yesterday, creating a scence of ourselves, laughing so loudly on the bus and crazily taking funny pictures. haha. i really missed all of you! thanks for the beautiful memories! cant wait for the outing! haha.

photos to share:

our practice area. squeezing 26 gzs in a classroom according to the sitting plan. had practice in the morning.

seniors and i on the bus to SCH. (:

yesterday's performers! (:

2008-03-09T11:06:00.004+08:00

i feel like blogging today! (: haha. i'm in a good mood though my eyes hurt from looking at screens for so long. i want to thank yi yi, yi yi uncle (till now, i still think it's weird that i call my uncle this way. i dunno how to call! not my fault. haha.) and my gor gors for allowing my sis and i to stay over. (: and my gor gors for treating qh and i pepper lunch. our first time! haha. ma fan le. thank you so much! really appreciate it cos i've been having silly thoughts recently since there's a terrorist on the loose. i've been having weird thoughts such as him appearing at my door step, hiding in the cupboards in my house. haiz..

having both parents out of the country really allowed me to experience what is real independence. it is scary. i was in school the whole afternoon and i get so worried about my sis and everything. i think i'm really lousy. haiz.. i dunno how to express myself. aiya. in short, it's a good lesson learnt.

cca in school is such a burden. i dont care if my cca people reads this. i used to look forward to cca but now, i think it's a really heartless place. i dont even enjoy being there and yet i'm still persevering. haiz.. yesterday, we tried the new A diao and yes, i died. the same way when i switched to c diao. which means, i need to spend time practicing at home and yes, i need to memorise 3 songs by next sat. how am i going to do it with so much work on hand? i think sometimes teachers can be really demanding. i wonder do our parents face these kind of stress when they're our age. so unfair can. ): how i wish i'm not in a jc. like i can change fate. :( ok. think positive. jia you jia you!

shall stop my grumblings. i should be looking at the pile of homework. cant wait for my parents to be home.

HAPPY EARLY 19TH BIRTHDAY WANXUAN!
HAPPY EARLY 17TH BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY TO MY MUMMY!

2008-03-08T00:39:00.004+08:00

long time never blog. or rather i've never been in the mood to blog since school starts. sighs. life goes on as usual with more homework. this year they've decided to scrape first common test. we have topical test every now and then. i doubt it's really helping me, nevertheless i'll still be working really hard. for the sake of the 'A's, it's worth it. jia you!

'A's results were out yesterday and i think my school did not bad. i stayed for the release of results. cant believe it'll be my turn next year. sighs. i am seriously scared! congrats to those who did well. to those who didnt, it's not the end of the world. with perseverence, we can still shine in our own ways. (:

aside from results, recently, things have been happening at cca. really sad conditions and huge problems. haiz.. heard from so many people, got to hear the different perspectives yet i cant do anything. i dont have the authority to do anything do i? what's the use of being in NJCOGZ exco before? i feel so useless at times yet at the same time i feel like laughing. i can finally wash my hands off all these troubles but i feel sad for my closest co friends, that they have to face these kind of nonsense. i feel like saying the episodes of the various happenings but i dont want to offend others and cause more trouble so i shall be as least detailed as possble. so happen there are so many conflicts and they are still on going; i heard even the teachers and conductors are unhappy as well. haiz.. what happened to cogz? it seems as if it's falling again. what's going to happen next? why should people insist when they know that it would not be accepted by the others? arent we taught to be flexible? why cant some people learn to give in at times? is compromising that difficult? haiz.. i'm really lost. so lost that i feel like running away from myself, my passion and everything. i want to numb myself terribly.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY ABEL!

2008-01-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

haha. cant believe i'm blogging again but this is a short one. oh. this is something random. my parents bought a new fridge! whee. it's bigger and i can stall more junks. (:

ok. now to the more important stuff. uh. actually not so important. haha.
i've closed my friendster account cos i think some people must have hacked into my account. so to play safe, i'm quitting it. (: so my dearest friends who have added me as a friend, i'm no longer in there. anything can just sms or email me. i think it's safer this way. (:

second thing. i want to say thanks to all my friends who wished me happy birthday and making me feel so special being 18 even though i'm older. haha. I LOVE ALL OF YOU! (: i will never forget the first time having 30 over smses in a day and i replied to every single one. haha. my phonebill! arh! but it's all worth it.

thank you:
-05IP02 for singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me and phong in the parade square
-kaixin for the jigsaw hand drawn message. i completed it in half and hour and i've glued it up. (:
-silvia, ly, andrew, xiaochen, yilin and abel for the card and necklace, the one that i was so sad i couldnt get it in vietnam
-seet for the card and beautiful drawings plus the ladybird huggie which i've resort to calling buggie
-ms chen! my beloved CT for the handphone pouch. hey! how did you know i need one?
-jerry gor for the irritating msg
-jianyue for the really funny and lame card
-cai lao shi for inviting me to the gz concert which i really enjoyed, esp seeing how much my juniors have progressed
-and everyone else for all the birthday wishes via sms. let you all waste sms liao!
-if i missed out any, please tag my board! haha. that'll make my board more alive!

and yes, my daddy treated me a glass of Tiger Beer on sunday. (: i didnt get drunk. haha.

2008-01-11T15:42:00.000+08:00

finally squeezing in time to blog. it'll be short cos i'm going out to celebrate with my family! whee! tmr i've got a concert to go to so cant celebrate at night. haha. HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY to ME! wahahaha. but i'm getting old. 18 years old. ): drats.

just a note. this blog's gonna lie dead pretty soon cos i wont be using the comp as often and I SHOULD BE STUDYING, not blogging! 'A's is at the end of the year! haha. ALL THE BEST TO EVERYONE TAKING 'A's this year! (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY fellow classmate, PHONG! (:
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BINGXIN, no it's CHAN CHAN! haha.

happy birthday to you
you are born in the zoo
with the monkeys and lions
you love giraffe poo! -jamie sang this for me today. it's so funny! (: [hope i didnt get the lyrics wrong though. i've got STM ):]

2008-01-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

a very HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone. may 2008 be a great one for everyone! (: haha. i need the energy and every best best best of the best ingredients to gear up for As! arh!! i'm sure everyone doing As this year will want that too. haha.

now that 2007 is over, just want to share what i've really learnt throughout this year and some new year resolutions though i doubt i can fulfill all of them ):

from 2007 i will remember the lessons learnt:
1. procrastination will never do you good. when you're able to get things done, do it on the spot and plan your time well. [it made me unable to claim my money. ):]
2. 不要跟钱过意不去[suddenly i've become so money conscious. i think i'm gonna turn into some auntie. ):]
3. everyone around us is a gift to us. learn to appreciate them and cherish their moments with us because life can be really short. [i miss mr loh. ):]
4. go out and see the world when you're young. there's so much out there for us to explore! [i miss the village in vietnam and the open concept toilets in china. i miss the wholesale centres in guangzhou cos they sell stuffs three times lesser than in Singapore.]
5. work smart, work hard and you'll see the results some day. [thanks mr lim for being such a great physics teacher who always spur us on instead of giving us a good scolding.]
6. 要懂得拿得起放得下

from 2008, all i want is:
1. to pass A levels with flying colours. [who doesnt want? haha.]
2. to be an even better person

2007-12-21T16:21:00.000+08:00

given my laziness, i was never able to complete the vietnam trip post. right. and now my brain cannot take it so the rest of the post would be what i remembered from the trip. ):

day two, three, four and five
these were our working days. 4 very tiring, meaningful, memorable days. tiring because of the hardwork that we have never done in Singapore; from the scrubbing of the walls on the high scaffoldings using limited amount of sandpaper, to the painting of the walls for which the guys and yes, manly girls as well who climbed the 3.2m scaffolding, balancing themslves and getting paint all over them to get the highest parts of the wall painted; the smelling of the emanel (do you spell it this way?) paint while painting the windows and the grilles; the feeling of nauseas while varnishing the tables and chairs in the sun; the carrying of sand to fill up places for the tiles to be held in place; the washing of the tiles, soaking our hands in very dirty water; the clearing up for which we ended up feet in the milky coloured water and not forgetting being Cinderellas scrubbing off all the paint marks on the entire floor that was once the colour of brown and also the last minute decoration of the classroom for which we thought we would not be able to achieve in time for the closing ceremony. perspired we had but with self motivation, determination and perseverence, we pulled it through with a common mindset of brightening up someone elses life. these works are really nothing as compared to the innocent sweet smiles from the kids.

meaningful because of the many lifelong lessons that we learnt which will never depart. teamwork, perseverence, encouragement, back to basics, paying attention to the details, listening to others, planning ahead, learning to appreciate others, reflecting on oneself, better know known friends, understanding the how simple life can be, etc. too many to remember.

memorable because
1. new found friendships
2. experienced the vietnam culture especially their food, cooked specially for us by the principal's brother's wife i presumed everyday on our working days (lunch), and their lifestyle
3. seen another perspective of lifestyle
4. learnt a lot from new found friends
5. crazy moments like 6 people sitting on one king size bed playing bridge
6. singing vietnamese songs
7. playing games with the vietnamese volunteers after lunch
8. hearing people sing as they continue working hard on their tasks
9. nine people playing the pig with grades game
10. crashing other people room at night, making lots of noise while playing games (my friends and i crashed the volunteers room)
11. everything!
and the list goes on...

day six and seven
basically, i see these two days a form of reward after our muscle aching days. thanks to Tuan who's a vietnamese, we were able to get good deals as he was ever ready to help us bargain in vietnamese. also, throughout the working days, we always needed a translator due to the language barrier and he was always there to provide help.

i custom made a vietnamese traditional costume and it's ready now! so happy! (: cant wait to get it.

went shopping and i bought a backpack for my sis and coffee and lotus tea for my parents and relatives. it's sad that i couldnt buy a necklace that i saw which was very sweet looking. bought food stuff as well for GZ peeps.

we also visited some places of interest such as the reunification palace as well as the tunnel, understanding the vibrant culture and history of vietnam. glad that we actually had the chance to experience the tunnel ourselves and it was a really good experience to walk like a duck for so long. imagine when it was war times long ago and the soldiers had to fight in such constrained areas! gosh.

to end off, vietnam's a really nice place. i kind of got so accustomed that i dont feel like coming back to Singapore. the memory's sealed and yes, i want to thank every single member of the trip. without all of you, the trip wont be as enjoyable. like i strongly believe, all of you are a gift to me. it's a pleasure getting to know all of you. that makes me want to appreciate the presence of all of you more. thanks loads and with love to:
uncle dennis
uncle AK
mrs chan
mrs tan
andrew
tuan
silvia
bingxin
cheryl
sarah
liuxuan
abigail
larrissa
lee jing
estella
arthi
gwen
jasmine
sue ping
johnathan
eugene
chian siang
trent
han dong

and a little bad news, my camera spoilt on the second day of the trip so there's no pictures that i can share here but, check out the link to a website where there are some of the photos taken by our dear vietnam volunteers. look for it under "friends and links". have fun viewing! (:

2007-12-05T13:39:00.001+08:00

ok. now to share the happy stuff before living tomorrow for china. overall, the vietnam trip's a very satisfying trip. really gain a lot from this meaningful experience. (:

day one
woke up at 3.30am to get ready to go to the airport at 4.15am, picking up my friend Liu Xuan along the way. the taxi fare was so ex! ): haiz.. no choice cos the flight's at 7.15am and we need to reach early. checking in was troublesome cos we've got so many people.. anyways, nothing much then. riding jet star was a good experience. it really changed my impression of a budget airline. i thought jet star was even better than my JAL and china airline flights! haha. except that a small bottle of mineral cost S$3 which is really too expernsive and so i had to go without water for 2 whole hours. thankfully it's only 2. reached Ho Chi Minh airport around 9+ (cant really rmb the timings) and i thought the airport looks good, except it does not have the warmth present in Singapore. really amazed. after waiting, we were greeted by our vietnamese volunteers. they're so friendly and that's the start of our 5 hours ride to the dong thap province.

along the way, i see the changes from the city area to the rural area. what really amazed me was the traffic. without proper traffic lights like those in Singapore, the people can still ride their way through, especially the many motorcycles and scooters. due to the presence of these vehicles, there's much pollution as one can sense the dust around in the air. and that is when the face mask is put to good use. they come in different shapes and sizes. so cute! haha.

ok. so we moved on and i was looking at the shophouses, the buildings etc. it's amazing that a modern building can be beside another that looks rather run down. the front of the shophouses do not have proper pavements for people to walk on, instead the motorcycles and scooters can just ride there. how dangerous! moving towards the rural area, i see chickens, dogs running around. there are also buffalos to help plough the field etc. so interesting! oh and they have resting areas and there are hammocks hanging around for people to rest as well. omg. so fun! haha.

lunch was at a restaurant beside the river which is famous for their fried fish which stands upright. really cool as the fish fins can be eaten like crackers and they do taste like crackers. a few of us also went to see how they made a ball like thingy from some dough. it was only a little dough and yet it can turn out so big and round in size. ate those for lunch as well and it was rather sweet. (: we tried rice paper and did the wrapping ourselves as well! other dishes also include the prawn. it's the size of my plate and guess what, they call it the shrimp in vietnam. we were shocked. so we asked what's the size of a lobster and prawn. haha. as we had lunch, we see many motor boats passing by with rice grains and stuff. the weather was just nice as there was a breeze blowing by every now and then.

reached the hotel earlier than scheduled. the hotel's like a chalet! and it's so heartwarming because the place was a 100% better than expected. xuannie and i are really lucky cos not only were our beds big, our room was so spacious as well! i had the bigger bed which i think is of king size. never had a bed so big to myself before!! wah! haha.

spent the whole afternoon learning bridge and yes, i'm quite good at it now. (: can remember what we had for dinner but it was at the hotel. in general, all the food provided for us were really wonderful except breakfast. the menu's always the same and the eggs are too oily. had dance prac after reflections.

day two
first day of our working day. after breakfast, we travelled to the headquarters of the school and had a talk by the principal and some of the staffs. after that we walked to the work site, the primary school. we were told the last time they had a renovation was in 1993 so the condition's really quite bad. our job was to whitewash the walls, paint the windows and doors and to build a fence around the school compound. haha, basically it's to just become labourers and help out in their renovation.

2007-12-04T20:38:00.000+08:00

ok. i finally found time to update. there's good news and very saddening news. i'll start with the sad one.

my pe teacher, mr stephen loh, passed away recently. i heard of the news of the five dragon boaters missing from my fellow vietnam trip mates on the first day when i arrived at vietnam and all the further news on subsequent days as well. when i first got the news, i was still holding on, not believing what i heard and hoping that they would be found surviving but on the next day in vietnam, i heard that the five of them left us. bingxin and i were on the scaffolding white washing the walls and we started talking about mr loh and all that he had done, even though he's only our pe teacher and we only see him for such a short period of time every week. we were rather emo. bx was the pe rep during school term.

the wake was on thursday and i was still in vietnam. i felt lost as i've known the news yet i couldnt do anything about the situation. the group of us observed a minutes of silence but still, i had the strong yearn of returning to singapore. this is my first time when someone so close left me. but something to be thankful is that mr loh passed away doing something of his passion and what he loves.

returning home from vietnam, i read all the news articles on the tragedy and i cried. i saw my school's website and read the tributes. it really pains me that he's gone.

dearest mr loh,
thank you so much for being our pe teacher. you're really one special teacher who makes the effort to remember our names even though you do not need to since we dont see you so often. although i only see you twice a week for two sessions of pe lesson of 50min each, you are always there showing us concern, asking how's our day and sharing your experience with us when we complain about heavy school work load. really appreciate your words of kindness. also, you never lose your cool whenever we dont listen to you or tried to create problems when we dont participate actively during pe lessons. not only that, from time to time we complain about pe lesson, about how we're not playing games and you painstakingly explain to us why you want us to do gym. i will never forget your words of "i want to share with all of you my passion of working out to keep a fit body." i know i took it for granted because i dont like working out but now, you've really made me learn another lesson, the really hard way. i wont mind having you nag at us doing our one RM but now, it's too late. it's an important lesson learnt to cherish someone when they are right there in front of you. you're a gift to all of us being our pe teacher and i guess we havent really cherish you enough and you're gone. mr loh, you'll be greatly missed by all of us and you'll be remembered, for the passion you've shown for dragon boating and sharing with us the beauty of keeping fit. we will never forget the teacher who's so well built and taught us pe lesson, showing us those basketball skills and all. thank you so much for everything, for being such a wonderful teacher.

still havent really recover from the sadness after typing the above so i guess i'll have another entry on the vietnam trip. really sorry.

2007-11-23T12:28:00.000+08:00

i'll be leaving tmr!! wah. a bit high finally.

just a note: if any entries happened to appear between 24th nov to 1st dec, that's not me. someone has decided to add funny/weird stuff to this space. ): i changed my password but who knows.

2007-11-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

back from dance prac. darn tired. 3 more days to Vietnam! and i'm not excited. right.

ok. as promised, here's the updates but i kinda forget some stuff. nvm.

14/11/07
went NLB, meet up to do NRP symposium poster, left for home about 2pm

15/11/07
dance prac in the morning. managed to recover from all the muscle aches to get new muscle aches ):

after dance, had lunch with my "mummy/daddy" (silvia) before meeting my another "mummy/daddy" (ly) at the bus stop to go to ikea to buy stuff for CIP. we were kinda lost as we need to go back to SAC to pack the t-shirts for sale on sat. should have claim CIP hours for that. haha.

left about 5pm and i was late as usual meeting up with my parents at jurong east. dunno what was wrong with me cos i took the train going towards pasir ris instead of boon lay. haiz.. so the train went to dover and i was too lazy to get out cos need to take the escalator down and up again. went to buona vista (do you spell it that way?) to transfer train back to jurong east. and yea, i was really really late. ): my dad wanted to go to the creative warehouse sale. reached home dead tired.

16/11/07
NRP group meeting at NTU, 10am in the morning which means i need to get out of bed early. sometimes i really do hate myself cos i'm too used to waking up at 7.30-8am and i'll feel tired easily the whole day. ): somehow that was the day. kept complaining i'm sleepy. we finalised on the poster and also did some 'souvenirs' for our symposium assessors which i think it's really cool. cos in the end the assessors didnt take and i manage to keep one to remember NRP. (:

i planned to return to school to print the poster but in the end, my teacher said the school doesnt print the size specified by NRP committee. how sad. i wore my school uniform that day! ): so we've got no choice but to go down to Peace Centre to print. thanks silvia who actually kindly provided us the address of the place! (: that was already around 5+.

after printing which took us about an hour, i had to go back to school to must ly a box which she needed for CIP. urgh. i was really really really thousands of really tired cos i had to carry the printed poster which is of size 90cm x 130cm, my comp and also a bag that's quite full of stuff. so heavy!! haiz.. ok. so i went and although i reached home quite soon, i was totally dead tired and yes, the symposium was on the next day. not only me, i think michelle's as tired as well cos she had to bring back the boards that we created for the assessors which is quite heavy and she had to go to yishun safra for training! heard from her she trained till 9.30pm and she lives in the east. student's lives are kinda sad.

17/11/07
i woke up at 5am to reach NTU on time! why am i so deprived of sleep?!?! thank goodness i was early. i lost my way in NTU cos there werent any signs to guide us to the place of the symposium. haiz.. i took a bus which went round the NTU area and i was still lost. in the end i walked and walked for like dunno how long and luckily there was a taxi, i managed to get there in time. phew! dead tired again.

had the briefing before we were given time for preparation. 1 and a half hour and we only used 15min. WOW! ok. so we walked around looking at other ppl's stuff. wearing school blazer's really irritating. cos the place was a bit cold but the blazer makes me feel so warm, i was sweating in the air conditioned place! gd job man. -.-

thankfully our assessors came really early and we ended before lunch. (: so after lunch we were actually counting down to the amount of time we had before the 'torture' ends. haha. we even thought of playing cards but in the end we didnt. see how disciplined we are? haha.

oh. i've got a new 'grandma'. haha.

after much rotting, and doing crazy stuff like taking pics in the lift, we survived through the hardship of wasting time! congrats! -.- haha. to tell the truth, it's because my teacher said she'll treat us to ice cream at swensens after the symposium and yea! we got our earthquakes! ms lim was totally horrified when we played with the dry ice. haha. she told us to stop but we said this is chemistry. (ms lim's a chem tchr) had a really gd time. it's like that's it, it's the end of NRP, entire 9 months of research attachment. haha. come to think of it, it's like another end of pw. (:

after that, went to meet my parents at jurong east. went vivo to find my cousin-once-removed, fiona jie jie's stall but she wasnt there. so sad. ): we ended up in daiso. haha. (: reached home quite late and yes. TIRED!

18/11/07
the rest i've briefly wrote in my previous entry. went T3, then to little india then to chinatown. at little india, it was quite bad cos it was starting to drizzle and there was lighting and thunder and we were walking along this street and it really dont look like Singapore cos it was really messy like a market. i think it's one cos there's vegetable stalls. yea. i thought it was another country. nevertheless, it's an eye opener. (:

as can be seen, i actually seem like i've travelled the whole singapore in like 2-3 days? haha. singapore's so small.

today
had dance and full dress. omg. the chinese dancer's costumes are so urgh. ok. i cant complain cos i still have to wear them. so many pieces. ): haiz.. ok.

had macs for dinner, which means i have to go on another diet. so fattening! ):

I SHOULD BE DOING HOMEWORK. havent touch much since last week. and i'm going on another holiday after returning from vietnam. ):

2007-11-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

finally found time to blog a bit. this will be updated again because my daddy is nagging me to go to bed and stop using the computer. ): it's the hols! cant i sleep late?! nvm.

had a really tiring but fun weekend cos i kinda travelled the whole Singapore. haha. after NRP symposium, i went harbourfront centre+vivo city. reached home at 11+. on sunday, went T3 with my family then we went little india then to chinatown for dinner. that's not all. ok. i'm forced to shut the comp or it'll be confiscated. ):

I SHOULD START PACKING MY LUGGUAGE! but i dont feel like doing so. -.-

2007-11-16T22:33:00.001+08:00

I AM SO TIRED!! haiz.. i shouldnt be complaining since i chose to take up the research. ): cant wait for tmr to just go by as fast as possible.

i missed class chalet! how can this be?!?! haiz.. sorry guys, was stuck doing touch up for research. the funny thing was, my proj mate went there (the place where my class' having chalet) too! oh my. not my fault. i cant afford to travel from boon lay to pasir ris. either i die travelling or i die getting scolded by my parents for doing such a silly thing after being so tired meeting for NRP. actually what my parents' said was quite right. since i'm on such a busy schedule this week, why should i be so dump to travel from one end to another when i dont gurantee i can stay at chalet or even enjoy myself there. yeah.

watched TV a while ago and i saw my cousins-once-removed on the programme! haha. something to do with self-designed bags. they've got a shop in VivoCity called Tagger. it's in the december issue of Teenage as well. haha. should go visit them some day. maybe i can get discounts. lol.

I SHOULD BE PACKING MY BAG FOR TMR. jia you all NRP groups. (:

2007-11-12T19:33:00.000+08:00

8.11pm
i knew it. something was wrong in the report and i couldnt remove it from the online submission to submit the newer version. haiz.. totally pissed with myself. i feel really really tired.

7.33pm
had my flu jab today in prep for ISL. although it's not really painful but it's still hurting now. dont know why. maybe it's just that i'm lousy. ): anyways, went for a hair cut just now. i cant tie my hair anymore. ): was so hoping i could keep it long again but my mum starts nagging that's it's so untidy cos i cant tie it up properly. then she says it's more convenient since i'm going to vietnam. urgh. she has her point.

not in a good mood right now. nothing's wrong but i'm just not feeling right. maybe it's the math revision package that i've started on, from morning till afternoon, then the NRP report which i was rushing to submit before dinner. I STILL FEEL IT'S NOT PROPERLY DONE! haiz.. i should go and check it again though i've submitted it.

QH's 'O's finally over and that's the start of a chaotic house what with my daddy getting his leave really soon. i dont know to feel happy or irritated. RAH!

I SHOULD BE DOING MY WORK NOW! ):

2007-11-06T15:19:00.000+08:00

came across a paper today with a medical word written on it and remembered that i went for a minor surgery this year in february to remove a small lump that's at the side of my neck but covered by my hair. the doctor said it's called PILOMATRIXOMA and it's harmless. haha. sounds really cheem right? (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU CHUEN! (:

2007-11-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

countdown to NRP symposium: 12 days

countdown to ISL Vietnam trip: 19 days

whee! haha. actually, i got nothing to blog about. just making use of space. ok. i'm wasting electricity. i should be in bed. aiya. i was just beginning to feel high and now i feel low. gosh. i'm blabbering. ok. i should go. will blog again. (:

picture to share for the day:

this was the handing over ceremony last year, the 2005-2006 batch to the 2006-2007 batch. to the 2007-2008 exco batch: it makes me really want to compare all the way to the details of how each batch i've knew actually faired in my mind. prove me wrong! (: thanks seniors for all the wonderful memories. it was the best times i've ever had being in COGZ.

2007-11-01T16:22:00.000+08:00

first of all and most importantly, HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY to my DARLING SISTER! haha. ok.

i realise i cant type properly. every single word i have to go backspace so many times. haiz.. ok. not my fault after one whole day of car washing! haha. it was a great experience. firstly to lose some fats and the actual purpose is to actually raise funds for our ISL trip! we made $703.40 from car washing itself and $134 from donations! wow! great job everyone! (:

waiting to eat the delicious cake at 9.30pm! it's the same as the one ms chen got my pw class cos i recommended the cake to my sis! haha. i cant get over the biscuit in the cake! ok. got to go do work now. will try to upload some pics. (:

2007-10-30T15:57:00.000+08:00

PW IS FINALLY OVER! haha. actually i dont know if i'm sad or happy. i'm happy because we will be rid of all the problems of getting things done and settle and late nights put in for WR and OP but i'm sad that it's the end of working with my group. i've really learn to appreciate them better and i'm so glad we had been a group for eight whole months. thank you enqin for providing your house for rehearsal, always trying to make our project more realistic by checking the details, thank you ziyin for always being on task and also the cookies, thank you crystal for providing your house and allowing us to disturb your cat. haha. and thank you shufang for allowing us to over work your comp and putting the powerpoint slides in order and doing all the clicking. (: we would not have made it this far without each and everyone of our efforts. i'll never forget all the NGs we made, creating jokes to actually make our sessions together more alive.

guess all of you must be enjoying sushi now. (: have a good break!

today in school, we celebrated for ms chen for being such a patient teacher with all of us. thanks for the cake! i think it's really very nice to eat. (: haha. just cant help laughing at the no. of birthday song we sang which makes it so funny as it's none of our birthdays. haha.

to those who havent had your OP, arent you envious. haha. ok. just a tip, since you've practice so hard, just give it your last lap. the teachers are not so bad. they wont kill you. they'll just ask what you've mentioned in your part. just remember to stay calm and give your best. JIA YOU! YOU CAN DO IT! (:

met liyan at the bus stop today, there's physics paper today. to all my cogz seniors, all ths best! (:

2007-10-25T14:00:00.000+08:00

had to remove some post cos the comp seems to hate me and it's not aligning as it should haiz.. ok. nvm. anyways, today's one of the worst day in my life.. uh. can be considered i guess. haha. i went to extract my tooth. ok. finally decided to do that after so many months. haha. to the details.. omg. to save the travel from home to NDC, i decided to extract all 4 tooth at one go. wow. what a great choice. in the end the dentist gave me local anethesia until i feel as if my whole mouth's being bloated up. the feeling is really terrible cos you look the same from the outside! like, oh gosh. i couldnt eat, couldnt drink water. I HAVENT HAD MY LUNCH! RAH! ok. so the whole mouth is like numbed and my saliva such keeps on flowing out with blood! ): yea. so after i went home, i tried to sleep and i drooled on my pillow and then i had to wash the cover. it's stained with blood! ): i'm so sad now. the anethesia is wearing off now but i'm still kinda drowsy. and when i try to sleep, i'll end up drooling like what's wrong with the world. what am i suppose to do now? i cant even think properly and i cant sleep or eat. RAH! haiz.. ok. enough of the blabbering. enjoy the following picture of my 4 tooth! haha. i'm not trying to sound sadistic.

ok. enough of my bad day. now to share some funny stuff. the following is drawn by my sister and me. a retarded boy. (:

got to go clear my wound. haha. will be uploading more pics. (:

2007-10-17T22:30:00.000+08:00

wanted to blog on monday after a day in school where the teachers went through our promo papers' answers. but that day got no time. anyways, i felt really demoralised. haiz.. seriously, i think my chances of promoting is really low given that chem was like a total disaster. heard 77% of the whole cohort failed and they have to moderate till 33% fail but still, i'm very sure i'm in the 33%. haiz.. ok. then math, my teacher say my presentation was bad which means more marks deducted. physics we got back MCQ pp and i was so near to passing. sighs. my grades are like nv improving. ):

ok. now to more ramblings about pw. i slept at 5.20am on monday morning just to finish my part for pw. and then sent it to my friend who continued to edit and sent back to me around 11am on monday. then we had word count problem and i've got to try an cut down since i'm the final person. printed 80 pages at one go for the report. ): haiz.. my ink. had to even ask my daddy to go out and buy ink for me and guess what, he was caught in the rain. ): totally pissed off. ok. around 2pm, i went bishan to take the cover page from zy. then i took a cab to school to find the binder spoilt (we need to bind the report according to the school's standards which i felt was weird cos the binding should be standard. right?) ok. so i bought the thingy required and took a cab home t0 bind at the photo shop. ): that sums up to near $20 bucks of taxi fare + extra $4 for the binding. ): waste so much money! now i've got to save money, thanks to the overspending for useless reason. ok. so on tuesday, i brought my comp to school for OP preparation and poof. my comp's corrupted. great right?! a whole string of events happening to me making me more stress. what's wrong man. it's just pw! rah! totally pissed off.

talked to kaixin yesterday. no time to share my feelings. another time. I NEED TO DO InR and I'M STUCK! WHAT TO WRITE?!?! haiz..

2007-10-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

had pw the whole day! WOW! i'm feeling so sick of it now but we've got to pull through it. i'm so glad my friends are counting down to the day when all these tortures will be gone. JIA YOU EVERYONE. WE CAN DO IT! (:

current mood: very very very heavy head. zZzZzZz

2007-10-04T10:19:00.000+08:00

10.23pm
came from dinner and was working on my NRP stuff still 9.30pm. more soldering. 10 left and my eyes are really feeling tired. i need around 25min per board! sigh. anyways, during dinner at the coffee shop, the drinks stall uncle came to ask what my family and i want to drink. we realise that he was the same uncle from the opposite coffee shop (there's 4 coffee shop around my area but the food's almost the same so there's not much variety). my mum asked why he was here. he said something like this, "i have no choice. my kids are young. morning i work there, at night i come here cos the morning coffee shop hires others for night shift." i was struck at that moment. i'm really really fortunate. sometimes, i really really wonder why the world progresses so fast! there's the benefits no doubt but i think it's really going to cos more people more problems, especially the older generation. i'm not sure if they can actually cope with all these fast changes. i'm already lost somewhere. haiz..

still working on pw. i hate my computer. i think it hates me more for slamming the keyboard. ):

4.08pm
suddenly remembered what i wanted to blog about but nothing much. went out with ziyin, audrey, bingxin, gloria and shufang after chem SPA yesterday. went glass house fish and co. first time there! haha. ok. i've got a deprived childhood. never go out to these places before. then went cathay. ok. went there for the first time also. everytime i pass by, i'm on the bus. ): ok. that's about it.

i'm progressing. working on pw now. WoW.

11.03am
promo's finally over and i'm finally able to blog. BUT.. sighs. i dont know what to blog about. somehow when i've found something to blog about, i dont have the chance, and when i can do it, i forget about the incidents. ): anyways, promos was bad, especially chem. guess my chances of promoting is super low now. i'm not surprise if i retain. ok. that's it. will blog again. jia you to my mei and all my juniors taking Os, JIA YOU! you can do it. (:

i am feeling useless now. ):

2007-08-24T23:01:00.000+08:00

ended school at 11.40am today cos of open day. physics quiz got pushed back to monday. i dont know if it's good or bad. this weekend's burnt as usual. promos is in a months time and i'm really worried. we have so much to work on and yet we have so many external problems such as cca related stuff. i mean, yes, i do agree that we need to be given these different kind of stress training to prepare ourselves for the working environment in the near future but shouldnt we be given some time off as well? haiz..

speaking of which, i think this yr's open day was bad for cogz. another problem to worry about. not much ppl came as of the time before i left. i think it's really the location. cant help it. and i really feel i wasted the whole afternoon. all i did was to sit at the guzheng and start playing songs with joycelyn. nth else. manage to get away and chat with ziyin for a while but still, it was bad.

had dinner somewhere near my place and was walking around to find bananas cos i need to eat them or i cant poot. ): haiz.. so i came across those kind of machines that you insert $1 coins to turn for stuff. guess what! i found the MAGIC CUBE! omg. i was so excited lah. ok. not funny. i have this sudden craze to play after seeing crystal playing with it. (: and so i inserted a $1 coin and the cube came out. started playing but yea. due to it's lack in quality, it didnt manage to survive till i get home. not my fault although i forced it to turn.

reached home in time to take a bath and visit ms lim's place to pass her the card from gz. i bought her a cake! (: hope she likes it. couldnt stay cos she was having lessons. HAPPY BIRHTDAY MS LIM! njgz loves you forever! (:

came home and started typing the email to joson. wah. i took like really long! haiz.. i really dont know what's wrong with me.

all i can think of is students have no life. how sad. adults say that the best time is when we're schooling but i'm beginning to think twice. really? i mean. i've never tasted working life but yea. schooling's getting really tough! haiz..

something to be happy about: my guppies gave birth AGAIN!! it's the NINTH GENERATION! seriously. look how fast they grow. omg. it's like how many many many times faster than human beings. omg. haha.

2007-08-23T02:26:00.000+08:00

i have this urge to blog since the release of the exco results but i just couldnt find the time to do so and i think i'm just totally so bothered about everything that's been happening. i dont know. i feel lost totally. people always say to aim high so that you'll push yourself to work harder and if you didnt get what you wanted, at least you're near your target. now that i think about it. i think it's really all nonsense. it's just a generalisation. it does not and shall never be part of my limited brain cells ever again.

before the start of my anger venting, i shall talk about something else first.

today, on the crowded 852, on my way home from school, there was this boy who told his mother to shift from her seat which is along the aisle to the inner seat. the boy is about primary 5 or 6 i guess and he asked the lady who was standing to sit even though the lady was indicating that he could have the seat since it's his mother in the inner seat. omg. i was touched. ok. maybe i'm just someone who's sensitive but how many young kids nowadays are so courteous? i'm so glad i witnessed that. (:

ok. back to my rumblings. ok. to tell the truth and be honest with everyone who have been so kind and cared for my thoughts, i was utterly disappointed i'm not in exco. i know i did not do well for ct but that's not the primary reason. i seriously feel there's this existence of biasness somewhere. ultimately, i see it as i'm the person at fault and it's the fact that i was the one who created the mess but why. through this, i've really seen how different people can be. i was wrong once again. that email made the difference. i blame myself. why did i do that. but the content said it all. i felt i was given false hope. not just the content but from a few of the closest people that i felt were people whom are really my friends, the people whom i looked up to. i feel cheated. maybe i'm just someone too sensitive and i know habits can change but i thought this is one of the qualities that i have that makes me learn to treasure things such as the experience that others may not have. i'm really at a total lost of words.

looking at the situation now, i feel helpless. i want to do something but how much can i make the diffrence. i understand the pressure present and i want to be there to help them relieve the stress but how? i feel unhappy. it's meaningless for me to stay but i know i may regret it. should i just quit. i look at those leading at the top. not that i feel they are not up to standard. i even give hope to people who feel negatively to the arrangement but how much can that last. i feel myself giving away. i dont know what to do. i want to leave it and move on. but i'll feel guilty for doing so. i dont know if i'm sad or just pissed off or really hate. it's been a long time since i really use the word hate as i know i will give in in the end. what now? i can get over it but i'm hiding. i turn up for practices but i dont enjoy them. i dont feel happy but i always try to in front of the others. why? why should i torture myself? i'll be regretting and the attitude will stay i guess. time wont stop. maybe it's time i move on.

2007-07-28T10:53:00.000+08:00

my blog's really resting in peace but today i would like to spice it up. (: today's moon's blue. check it out. ok. not funny.

Aurora 8's finally over. all the hard work has been paid off. loads of unhappy stuff happened along the way. i broke down many times but i'm alright now. super fast recovery this time round. no harm going through it to make me be stronger as a person. although i felt i was really going to hate ppl, i guess it's not my nature after all. the friendship ties are still the strongest. life goes on. like i always feel, there'll be someone there for me somehow. i would most like to thank:

qionghui mei
kaixin
shufang
ziyin
enqin

without the few of you, i dont think i would have come out of that complicated stress.

Aurora 8's one of those concert that i felt so good about although i made so many errors. practically every song also have. haha. but i feel good. because i enjoyed sharing the music. and yes, it's definitely from my heart. this is the senior's last concert. although there was no tear shed, i know they're gonna miss all of us and the memory is sealed. this year i didnt prepare anything for anyone. but we took loads of pictures! cant wait for them to upload. (: and to the seniors who graduated. thanks for coming back. for my batch of exco, omg! all of you look so different! we should have a gathering! (: to my nygz juniors: thanks so much for coming! love all of ya! (:

next week will be NJCOGZ alumnite and celebration. the seniors will be steping down. hope i can do something for them by then. one week! of course not to compromise my studies. yup. to the seniors, i really treasure the time spend with all of you. thanks for the encouragement for everything. so glad there's all of you although we may not be very close. to the seniors:
wanxuan
chenye
yuquan
laywang
xiaodan
astrid
wenying
amira
jiafang
jovita

it's time all of you go. all the best for a levels and do visit us. all of you will be missed. thanks so much! love all of you always. let the memories flow. (:

2007-07-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

had arts prog today, went for the drama one. didnt really enjoy it but i like the way the actor and actresses express themselves. their skills are good. (:

had university talk after that. went for nus law and ntu arts, social science and humanities. ok. at least i get to know a bit more on how it's like to be in uni and the courses and stuff we can choose. dont really want to think too much now. i've learn to take it one at a time. it's so stressful to kill so many brain cells over it when we should be using them wisely to make sure we get our wonderful A grades first. haiz..

went for a maths prog after lunch. almost fell asleep. i think the teacher saw me. ): it's over. learnt some stuff but i think i wont be able to take H3 maths so.. too bad. ):

2007-07-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

went OCS today. i thought it was quite a good experience besides being fed to the mosquitoes. ): it's great to know that army isnt just about the sad things they complain, such as the food and loads of tough work. haha. i'm so proud that the guys in singapore are all very fit and i mean it seriously. look at all the stuff they have to carry to do the tests! that's not mentioning the other even heavier weapons they use for trainings. it's totally amazing! i think what's more crazy is that they have female combat officers! omg. i think it's insane!

today's the really tiring day. i had to travel from school to OCS, back to school and travel to the pizza hut outlet at jurong east and then back to school again for cca. the problem lies with OCS and the pizza hut outlet being in the same area. man. this is such a waste of time but i cant help it. i cant just wonder off on my own. yea. ok. back to happy stuff.

went to pizza hut with a quarter filled stomach. cos we were told we'll be having lunch there! it's been a long time since i ate at pizza hut. we had the students meal and i think it's of a reasonable price! we have a small pan to ourselves, a soup and a cup of pepsi each. audrey, me and ziyin chose a different flavour each and we shared. so fun right? haha. and as usual, i couldnt finish my food. erm.. not exactly. i didnt finish my drink only. in the end ernest drank about 3/4 of the pepsi which was what i didnt drink in less than a second. it was really fast. the moment i went back to my seat, and he said you sure you dont want the drink, it was gone in his stomach. like a blink of my eye, it's gone. yea. audrey, me and ziyin took a picture! (: ok. i'm lazy to upload. oh and about the kitchen tour itself.. ziyin, audrey and me went together. we had fun playing with the dough! it's so fun trying to make it into a ball shape and trying to spread it out to put on the large pizza pan! (: oh. the kitchen's a bit squeezy in my opinion. uh. haha.

went back to school for cca to understand that ms lim wasnt going. ): no taxi ride home. oops. i'm just too tired from all the travelling and was so looking forward to it cos i'm suppose to be doing maths proj discussion now. see how stressful the life of a student is! yea. ok. so i went back to find so few people turn up for cca. i'm super sad. what happened? with this kind of situation, how can we be in tip-top condition for the upcoming concert in three weeks time? not to mention co.. i'm wondering if they have practices? i realise sometimes i'm even more worried for them. yup. we're a family. i wonder how much they do care about us. you know, i do receive stares from some co people. i dont want to mention who but they just look as if they're staring when i walk pass them, wherever it is. ):

oh. got to know we have 2 new gzs from justin, a fellow co mate. the one whom i'm totally impressed by when he ran for EXCO last yr. hey justin, if you ever come by, it's a complement for you! (: rock on!

back to the topic. yea. so as i told qq, now that i see her, it reminds me of how much i screwed the interview and how much stuff that i didnt say. i thought abt it again on the way home. was also talking about it with kaixin. in the first place, why did i say i want to run for vice-pres (co). that was so wrong in the first place. what i thought was there wont be a vice-pres (gz) so automatically, i will say co, as a whole. which means not only do i care about co, i care about gz too. it's not impossible right? like what liyan mentioned, this is a gd chance to bond co and gz together. yup. i totally agree. since the pres will be someone from co, which i highly think it will, shouldnt it be fair to let someone from gz to be vice pres? it's just an opinion.

another thing. i'm not sure if i mentioned this in my previos entry but another reason why i chose to run for vice-pres is because i know i'll never make a gd pres myself. judging from my own lousy personality and qualities, i think i'm really a bad person. yup. i dont want to elaborate more. yup.

then there was this question on problems faced. i said something about lack of funds. now that i had a quick talk with justin, i realised my ans was a total wrong. we do not not have enough funds. we could pay for so many sets of strings bought in singapore which is a lot more expensive than in china and purchase 2 new gz. wow. but come to think of it, isnt this not fair to co? they need more yangqin too right? heard ms lim helped to get more funds. i'm fine with that but has this got to do with GWH? man. not again. what's wrong with humans. suddenly, i feel gd that the world is changing and human beings are suffering. i know i sound ironic because i'm a human myself but things does not seem to work out in a way that does not hurt others. i dont care if it's physical or mental. some people are just very sensitive, just like me. haiz..

thought about loads of other stuff. no time to share. i need my bed. nights!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALINA! you said i'm a sweet junior and you're a wonderful senior! it's great to know you and thanks for being so concern. i've been missing your batch of seniors! jia you in your future endeavours. i'm here rooting for you! (: i'm so glad you didnt change your hp no. and my no.'s still in you hp! (: haha.

有时候, 真希望大家能够停下脚步, 换焕看待事情的态度及感受周围一切的幸福.

2007-07-03T16:55:00.001+08:00

Feel like typing in Chinese because I think I will express myself better but decided against it since the Chinese characters will turn into some funny stuff like what happened to my heading. Need to go change that. ):

Went back to school just for the EXCO interview today. How sad right? Traveled for and hour and a half just to reach school. I thought I was late some more. Sigh. Never to travel during peak periods! You’ll go crazy just by looking at the crowd.

Ok. So I totally gave up on the interview. Long time ago, I would think about what I want out of the interview and I will make sure all that I want to say would be said such that it does not hurt anyone’s feelings but now that I look back and think, I feel that what’s mine will remain mine. If I don’t get it, just let it be. It’s not the end of the world. My mum always tells me that. In the past, I would not believe but years passed and I begin to understand. Why make your life so difficult? That’s not the life you want to live right? Why take in the sorrows and not the happiness and joyful memories?

In my IP days, I broke down twice. I got excused from lessons by one of my teachers (the same teacher for both times) and she let me sit at her desk to cool off and to talk it out. She told me this. What do your parents think? How will they feel if they see that you’re so sad? I know I’m a family person and I care for them more than anything else. That was where I saw the light. I want to bury all my sorrows. There are things that I can’t confide in anyone but it’s good that I can at least vent it out on a blog. The following will be my rants on the interview. This whole entry is not in any organized manner. I just want to throw out my thoughts.

I’ve heard that the current EXCO and the teachers already have the ideal EXCO 2007-2008 members. So in my opinion, the interview does not seem to prove much. Neither will the votes cast. This is a total bias. Sigh. I guess this is the world we live in. how much can we change of this situation?

This year’s list of people running for EXCO is pretty long, ranging from those whom I think really do deserve the place and some who needs to really prove they’re worthy for the position. For myself, I don’t know. It’s for people to judge me I guess. I know by re-running, I’m depriving a chance of others getting the role. So maybe, it’s time for me to pull out now. I’m really having very mixed feelings. I’m not surprise if I end up talking to the teacher in charge to let me drop out.

It’s like an angel devil thing. A minute I feel like dropping out, a minute later, the more I feel I want to be in EXCO so desperately. For example, I mentioned in my application form that there are concerns that went unheard. (I do not wish to say the situation to protect the person’s identity.) Yes. If I’m in EXCO, I would have been able to make that difference and to give up the chance.

Maybe it’s just me. I know I’m the kind of person who wants to share and I’m the kind of person who wants people to be recognized for their effort. We work as a team. We learn to accept the strength and weaknesses of one another and from there we improve as a team. You know, it’s like random error in physics. We can take the average. (: What a lame joke. Ok. Like I say, I don’t stand alone, nor do anyone in an EXCO. We are solely one team.

To tell the truth, I ever thought of running for president. I wanted to head an EXCO that’s ever willing to share, to improve. I once read in a book. It’s not enough for one person to know what’s going on. You have to get the subheads together and to solve the whole situation together. Yes. It applies to an EXCO too. We are one EXCO. We bring CO to a greater height together. Not just the president alone. I guess that’s what I really want—an EXCO that can sit down together 10 years later and to reminiscence, the good memories, how we managed to overcome all the odds to enjoy the fruits. We meet all the targets as we cooperate well and definitely not forgetting gaining the trust of our fellow members. Sometimes, I do feel, it’s the friends that motivate me to come to school. Without them, I really do not know how I’ll pull through. Thanks everyone.

Someone once told me exactly at this point of time after the interview session, one year ago. It doesn’t matter who’s the president. What it matter is the way the CO wants to be run. Only people with the ability to satisfy both the authorities and the cohort should be given the chance to be in the EXCO. And there goes what my point is. It’s the group of people, not the president alone.

There’s a lot more to say which I didn’t talk about during the interview. One thing was the question posted to me if I mind being an SL. To me, it doesn’t make much difference so long as I can still serve my purpose. However, I really DO NOT wish to be one. You can say I’m tired but I don’t wish to explain why. It’s about the selfishness in me.

Ok. I think I’ve ranted a lot. If I can think of anything else, I’ll be writing another entry. There’s too much in my mind. I need to clear it. That’ll be all. (:

2007-07-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

had physics SPA on friday. it was the real A-level one. it was bad for me cos i really got so nervous. perhaps because this is the first major SPA exam, so long after my last one which was in sec 2. wow. it's over now. i cant do anything about it so, just work hard for the next one! jia you!

went vilage with ziyin, bingxin and shufang after SPA. reached heeren so early lah! all the shops are not even opened yet. seriously, i think i'm such a deprived child. never go vilage before. or rather, i never even heard of it before. >.< haiz.. nevermind. now i know! (: haha. i think the food there is nice. the quality's gd but the price a bit ex. yea. so we shared some food including calamari, pizza and crepe! bingxin ordered mushroom and cheese while me and ziyin ordered ham and cheese. bingxin's crepe was nice. mine and ziyin's were bad. i think it's the lady who served us. she gave us that i-dont-feel-like-serving-you look. haiz.. after that we just shop around. sf left at 3 for training. we splitted at 4.

reached home around 5+ and my mum complained i never call home. she was quite angry. i guess there goes my chance of going out again. ):

went daiso after nrp on sat. me and qh were mad. after shopping for what i need for my nrp proj, we went to the food section and bought some food cos we were so hungry. haha. there was this drink and i chose black coffee. haha. it was bad. i made the wrong choice. the coffee had no sugar and it was so bitter! made dad and mum drink. should have snap a picture of our faces! haha. had steamboat for dinner. didnt know a food court sells that. (: it was quite nice, better than the restaurant's that we went to see before i decided i didnt want to eat at the restaurant. save money! haha.

i need to sleep. HAPPY YOUTH DAY AND SAF DAY! although it's over a gd 5o min ago. haha.

2007-06-28T08:39:00.000+08:00

I changed my skin! like it was ages since i last did. haha. (:

Holidays have ended and i did not post a single entry after the only one that i posted at the start. There was so much to say but I just cant bring myself to sit in front of the comp what with COMMON TEST which is the most important thing coming up right after the school holidays then. and now, i'm so so glad to say that this common test thing which is 20% of our final JC1 grade is OVER! whee! ok. actually, there's nothing to be happy about. it's this test that made me realise how terrible i am with exams. i really envy mainstream students. they have the exam skills which IP students like me dont. got to really work on that, especially econs! 45min for a 25 mark question. how can it be done?! i'm really very worried! haiz.. i also learnt that i need to practice more questions! i cant seem to answer questions properly. i know my concepts k. look at the amount of hardwork put into all the subjects. i've been mugging full pledge!

ok. it's over. i cant do anything about it. shall concentrate to change and prepare myself for the next round of exam. now to more happy stuff.

PCME outing on friday after SPA! (: we'll be eating buffet! first time pigging out with friends. haha.

i dont know what else to blog about. i've decided not to say anything about my hols since there was nothing much except for a few heartbreaking experience and more muggings. haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIZABETH! (:
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY RONGRONG! (:

back to undone work.

2007-06-01T08:18:00.000+08:00

it's officially holidays! but i doubt i'll be having one. common test is like in less than 30 days. there's so much to catch up on! rah! to all j1s, ip3s, j2s and ip4s: JIA YOU! we can all pull through this together. yup. k. now for fun stuff.

i was so looking forward to vesak day somehow. no particular reason though. perhaps it's because i dont usually get time off for myself and my family. yup. ok. so i woke up at 9.30am. first time in ages! haha. and i slacked through the morning. went out for lunch at Eatzi at Safra cos my dad wanted to renew our safra membership. as usual, it was for the free gift. -.- that's my dad. there was this sale going on so me and qh bought new t-shirt and she bought new shoes. she bought more stuff than me! haha. thanks mum and dad. (: after that me and qh went to the bowling alley to rot before heading home. wow.

left house at 5.15pm again for my sch's chior concert. yea. on the whole i thought it was good. ha. cos i'm not a choir person, i cant tell much. qh had quite a few comments. maybe should tell my friends in choir so that they'll do even better the next time round. (: NY choir didnt really sing that well i think. they dont sound they're enjoying. ): must jia you! i realize ystd quite a lot of co ppl went. haha. could have organised a co outing lah. haha. i think it'll be fun. got to know that our concert tix is priced at $12 and $10. choir's at $15 and $12 lah. aiyo. we should have priced it higher since it's price inelastic. wow. econs. lol. yup. ok. here's concert advertisement.

AURORA 8
27th July 2007, Friday
7.30pm
VCH
$12 (circle) and $10 (stall)
big highlight: guzheng's playing 菊花台!
(not sure what cool piece co has though. oops again. haha)

ok. that's all for now. PEOPLE, SUPPORT NJCOGZ CONCERT! YOU CAN BOOK TIX IN ADVANCE! haha. it'll definitely be a great one you'll enjoy! it's worth the price k! (:

2007-05-27T09:25:00.000+08:00

i'm so glad i can blog now. couldnt connect to the internet for this whole week and i'm so worried for my econs va. phew. finally can use the net again. i'm so so relieved. i've been so tired for the week. especially from thursday onwards. let me do some update. (:

tuesday
had lesson in the morning. after that i stayed so that i can play percussion! wow. thanks you chuen. (: percussion's so fun! omg. i want to switch. i hope i can perform at aurora but i think the chances are very low. the percussion ppl dont seem so friendly.. ): people start asking me why i want to switch. i guess it's a human nature to want to try smth new. for me, i definitely dont want to give up on gz. i want to try smth new so that i understand how it feels like to be the person who does not know the instrument. it helps me better understand friends, juniors who just join the cca. i guess like that i'll be better at communicating with them, at least to know how they feel. i hope others will understand why i'm doing this. (:

wednesday
had GP from 8-9.40am. slacked till 2pm and went out with Michelle to get Bryan's birthday gift. we bought him a burger pig! wow! haha. i hope it fills his stomach well, what with all the macs we eat on practically every saturday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRYAN! (:

thursday
this is a long, tired but extremely exciting day. went to science centre in the afternoon to help out with sisc. me and my friends were meal helpers. we help to serve people food! so fun right! actually, it's fun cos we get to eat the food. the food's good. (: my friends even packet home. oops. haha. yup. so at first it was quite bad cos we dont know how much to give. then in the end, there was quite a lot of leftovers. so sad. so we learnt to ration food well. (: yup. oh and we have to wear ethnic costumes. omg. thursay was indian. wow. so i borrowed qh's indian costume. (: luckily for her, if not i'll have to wear a sari which i dont even know how to wear. haha. ok. after lunch, i went back to school for maths lesson. 2-3.30pm. it was so stuffy and i was so tired, i cant be bothered. kind of slept through the lesson. that's bad. after that i went back to clementi with sixuan to meet ziyin and the rest to go to NUS hostel to serve dinner. yup. the dinner was also indian style. i like the mutton! omg. actually i packed some food home but threw them away cos the mutton sauce leaked and i thought i was too gross to bring home. we left around 8+. waited for the shuttle bus for such a long time. by the time we reached clementi, it was 9+. so i decided to take a cab with zy and zt. the adventure starts. the taxi driver turned into PIE. he did not know there was a jam. this is bad. all taxi drivers should listen to the radio for traffic news! it was only when i got home that my parents told me PIE had been jamming since the afternoon. wow. i'm really pissed with the taxi driver. ok. back to the jam. so zy, zt and me got off the taxi in the middle of PIE since we decided that we dont know where the jam will end and that the meter had jumped from $3.10 to $10.00 and we only moved a short distance. so we walked to the side and started walking on the grass. i know this i s terrible as it's so dangerous but what else can we do? we need to reach home asap. so we walked till we cant walk on the grass anymore and we climbed up to where we saw private houses, asked for directions and went to bukit timah. i'm so sad cos zt was dragged into the situation by me. i dont know him before thursday. and so was ziyin. i should not have asked her to take a cab with me. haiz.. in the end, i reached home at 11.30pm. thank goodness my parents did not scold me. i'm glad that they understand.

friday
closing ceremony for sisc. my class got selected to go. wanted to take MC cos i wasnt feeling well but do i have a choice? haiz.. so i went to school to realize the last min information that we dont need to wear a tie. i went to buy a while ago! haiz.. we went to ngee ann poly really early at around 2+ to 3 when the concert only begins at 4pm. wow. wasted loads of time. it was ok throughout. we got to see the 4 syf dances. they were great i should say. (: after that took 74 to change bus at mac ritchie. i'm reminded of thursday as the bus went pass the exact places. haiz..

saturday
had NRP in the morning then went for Bryan's birthday party. i was back at clementi at 9+. again. ): thanks michelle's dad for sending me there though. if not i'll not be able to make it home any earlier. (:

some reflection:
after the thursday incident, i guess i'm never going to trust taking the taxi. i'll rather take the mrt train or public bus. i'm quite afraid of taxis now. i just dont know why. maybe i should take some time off and i hope i'll be better. (:

2007-05-19T22:53:00.000+08:00

had ms tan's farewell yesterday. i'm glad that it went smoothly and i can see that ms tan enjoyed herself even though loads of things that should not happen happened. i guess it's always like this. nothing turns out the way one imagines it. this is what i learnt after many years. in fact. i admit giving up totally and not caring about the farewell planning two days before. i'm really thankful to have such a wonderful bunch of friends. they're the ones who helped me. like what QQ said, "when the sky falls down, i'll be there to help you hold it." thanks loads. yup. QQ and adeline helped in collecting the 2kg cake from KAP. my thank you list once again:
1) jiafang and chenye who collected the flowers from coro
2) lisian and the rest who helped decorated the amphi
3) yaorong for carrying all the heavy stuff
4) CO ppl who helped out in one way or another
5) everyone who came
6) kaixin who kept on reminding me not to be pessimistic
7) everyone who wrote in ms tan's farewell gift
8) shenyang for providing the paper for ms tan's gift
9) seniors for coming back
10) everyone for putting in the effort for the performance
11) JOYCELYN!! haha. she and I were so happy when we found the cups, paper plates and forks and spoons! (:
thanks loads everyone for everything. if not for you all, i dont know how the farewell would have gone. it would have been a nightmare. i'm glad that it went well, better than what i expected. thanks loads really. i hope you all enjoyed yourselves too. uh. besides watching whoever doing the stupid dance. -.-

2007-05-13T16:48:00.000+08:00

i've been really busy these days. or rather i've been rather stressed out. i see more white hair on my head recently. ): i was telling my mum i cant think properly. or at least i cant tell when my friends crack brain teasing jokes. i've become slower and slower at getting that it's a joke. oh no! what's exactly wrong with me? the worse thing is i think i'm putting in loads of effort for something that not many people will recognize. i dont know. ppl know i've doing it but it just doesnt seem to be the way it should be. i've been sacrificing my dinner time with my family so that i can stay back later in school to finish up with those work. i'm not being myself. what went wrong? and when i reach home, i sit at my desk for an hour and i doze off. i go to sleep trying to wake up at 3am to no avail. in the end i cant complete any of my work properly. am i that stressed out? thought i managed to pull through so many stuff.. i've learnt to cope with more work. what happened? haiz.. i'm feeling really lost.

common test is coming in like less than 2 months. i should be studying or at least start on the notes. there's so much to study and yet i'm doing other stuff. maybe i should close down this blog too. in school, i cant concenttrate during lect.. all i do is copy and copy, i cant even process the things taught and when i reach home, i dont have the time to go through my work. i'm really thinking i't's my way of studying. i'm feeling terrible now. i'm having this headache. i dont want to fall sick. i've been taking so many blue slips. this is bad.

i guess i should be back doing my work. it's gd to have typed it out. there are so many things i want to say but i cant find the time to type them out. haiz.. i guess it just have to come and go. that's life isn't it? yup. that's all. i hope i'll be able to find a great solution as i study and move on in life. jia you!

to all my buddies, i know i'm not alone and i'm glad. you all must jia you too! we'll pull through these periods together (:

2007-05-01T17:16:00.000+08:00

back from ms lim's house. we had a buffet lunch. it's post syf celebration! whee. ok. i went late cos i walked there. haha. asked qh to join after that since lao shi was wondering where she was. i'm beginning to feel that i should not have asked her. wasted loads of her time. ): haiz.. i really need to do lots of reflection. maybe sometimes i just think too much for myself. i want to be with my friends and yet i have to keep in mind she is alone and craves for attention too. she may not mind but that's not the point. she must have felt very awkward. i'm sad.

it's great to see so many of my friends gathered together although i didnt get to speak to most of them. just glad that they were there and i've seen how much they have grown, especially the NY juniors. from two years ago till now. the sight two years ago really comes back to me. it's so crystal clear to me now. great jobs gals. i'm so proud of all of you. may you keep the strong bond and continue to be the best. love all you so much! and my batch's buddies. i know we're not in the same school anymore. at least me and jieying are not in the same school as marilyn and huimin. yea. but it's so great to see you all! (: although i dont seem to be able to talk much with you all, as i left NYGZ earlier.. it's great to know all of you care for me. you all are still that crazy like when we were still together! i'm so glad that we're that batch of NYGZ players. just the 4 of us. thanks loads.

and not forgetting this batch of njgz seniors, same batch buddies and the juniors. actually, i'm quite sad that the juniors only stick to one another. must really get them to bond with us. but at least the JC ppl can talk together. we also took pictures. i forgot to bring mine! RAH. it's glad to keep all these pictures for memories. wow. imagine ten years later you take out the book where you pasted all the pictures. i think i'll cry. i'll be so touched. it's really great to have so many friends around you. you're not alone! (:

anyway, i'm just so not myself recently. somehow i think i'm so particular how people view me. it's difficult to say in words but i feel this sense of unease everytime. i really dont know. maybe it's just me. and when i'm with my friends, i suddenly feel i have nothing to say. or at least i cant be high like how i sometimes is. i really dont know what's wrong with me. i'm really feeling terrible now. whats's wrong. i've my own problems which i never shared and i yearn for it to go away some day. i'm sure i can figure it out someday. it's just all my wild thoughts. haiz..

ok. i feels better to have written out my thoughts and feelings. back to work.

2007-04-30T23:30:00.000+08:00

this is to add on to the thank you list.
11) laywang! without you, we wont have hong lou meng! thanks for sharing your lame jokes to keep me alive during CCA. i'm so gonna miss your presence.
actually, i think i only left this out. oops. will contd to add when i think of it. i really need some equipment that can automatically key in all my thoughts. the number of brain cells i kill per day is ever increasing. this is mad.

ok. maybe i should just blog now. since i'm stuck with the GP handouts and i dont know who can help me. seriously, i think this is bad. i'm not putting in the effort. i dont know. like yesterday's GPP, i was really doing my best then now this GP which is graded, i'm not caring. i'm really not right up there. maybe i should go for a brain check up. i think my head is filled with the wrong stuff. maybe i can take them out and reorganize it. ok. i'm not normal now.

right. i forgot what i wanted to say. ):

tmr going ms lim's house! and i'm taking the initiative to walk there. so that i can sweat and lose weight. YES! that's what i'm so gonna do. i've been eating so much lately. yes. oh ya. i think i havent thank the seniors who came back and help. namely, gwenda and jianyue. yea. haha. and the seniors whom i still contact. veevee, mengtian and weilong.. thanks for all the help, from changing the strings to all the encouragement. aiya. i dont care if i repeat everything again. cos it's like i wont go through another syf again. ok and i can type each and every member from gz. wah! so happy. ok. here goes the list:

title: NJGZ 2007 batch
wanxuan
chenye
yuquan
laywang (guest star)
kaixin
yanyao
xiaodan
astrid
wenying
jovita
jiafang
xiaoxuan
rongrong
jiamin
lisian
yaorong
joyce
amira
minying
xinyi
yikun
shenyang
xiaochen
wangjing
joycelyn
molan
liyan
youchuen
junwei
last but not least, myself! ego.
wow! it's in proper stage order i think! haha.
thanks loads to everyone. we made it happen. we did it. one team, one ensemble, one rhythmn. sound so class right. haha. i'm super high now. omg.

and i still cannot remember what i want to say. ): haiz..

2007-04-29T17:13:00.000+08:00

it's been ages since i last blogged again. i've been so busy with everything, i dont have time for myself. or rather i dont have long hours for myself at the right time. i'm squeezing in time for this. i'm doing my group project proposal draft 1 for PW now! wow. haiz..

SYF's finally over and we should have some rest but we're having college day next sat and guzheng is suppose to perform. i feel like swearing. i should be catching up with my work! i missed two days of work due to SYF prac and one day for falling ill. i'm so behind time! haiz.. ok. i'm lamenting but i should be happy cos we got GOLD WITH HONOURS! how about that. 2 years ago, NJGZ went for our very first SYF competition and we got a straight GOLD. i dont think any other CCA managed that in my school and now we're soaring even higher. i didnt really excpect it cos i thought the team 2 years ago was stronger even though there were lesser ppl. i guess it's all the last min effort.. it was after being scolded that i saw all of us working harder. oh well.. it always help with the extra push from ms lim and ms tan. not forgetting our exco. ok. here's the thank you list:
1) ms tan: thanks for sending me home for almost all the practices. it's so expensive to sit cab 3-4 times a week. thanks for hearing me out whenever i'm stressed out. thanks for being there to listen to all my troubles.
2) ms lim: thanks for sending me home after all the prac. it's like for 3 years already. thanks for being there for me to hear my worries for NJGZ. thanks for the biscuits you always buy for us. if not i'll be having gastric problems again.
3) EXCO: 3 meows, wanxuan, wenying and yuquan. if not for the various exercises to get us to move, to play with emotions, all the taping and clapping of the beats, how are we gonna play with that precision. and for buying the necessary stuff.. i know i last min change so many strings. ):
4) percussionists: uncle chin, uncle tan and liyan. thanks for making our music esp feng nian ji feel stronger. the effect was great. to junwei, thanks for cheering me up when i was down. thanks for making our prac more lively and at the same time destressing.
5) kaixin: thanks for sharing my personal troubles, complaints etc. w/o you, i wont be so crazy during gz
6) rest of the tchr-in-charge: mr ong, mr ng, ms chong. thanks for taking the time off for us. for the late night prac at SCH and SYF itself.
7) helpers: thanks for helping the percussionists to shift their instru. w/o the help, we wont have them playing for us. thanks ziwei for the encouragement.
8) other CCAs who shared LT5 and heard our music. thanks!
9) NYGZ juniors and my batch buddies: thanks for the smses of encouragement
10) my classmates: thanks for the many smses and late night msn convo of well wishes!
and the list goes on. it was a really good job done. the tears of happiness, will continue to flow. the bonds of friendship made will last forever. we will make it happen again during our yearly concert. thanks loads everyone!

went for 2nd session of NRP yesterday. i finally understand what's being said. i died the first time round. couldnt understand all the formuals. yesterday was not very prodcutive. we were still figuring out part of the circuit for marx generator. the last 2 hours was better as the circuit was finally working properly. next week we're gonna make ten of them. wow! bryan's gonna do all of the fixing. haha.

had dinner at novena. wow. travelled all the way from boonlay! omg. it was a wonderful dinner at the restaurant. (: was looking around for a new jacket but cant find one that i like. nevermind. it'll come one day. lol.

back to GPP. ):

2007-04-08T17:43:00.000+08:00

PI!! and my econs hwk! RAH! i forgot all my macroeconomics! die. i still feel screwed about yesterday. haiz..

countdown to SYF: 16 days. this is freaking pressurising! indian dance got a gold with honours i heard. second year running. omg. good for them. maintain the standard man. (:

i'm in a total moody state. what's wrong with me?

putting braces tmr. goodbye to all the cripsy food. sobs. hello porridge. YUCK!

haiz..

2007-04-07T18:34:00.000+08:00

i'm totally screwed today. should have gone to SCH to get the feel of the stage for SYF. and i'm suppose to go for NRP today and i didnt! i bet the prof is so pissed off with me. haiz.. i'm super screwed. i'm feeling terrible. what's wrong with me?! and the pile of work on the desk. it's not helping. NAPFA's next week. die. nevermind. i can screw that too. time for dinner and i hope to destress. i need a life.. badly.

countdown to SYF: 17 days. ):