Tuesday, January 27, 2009 @9:15 PM
so many things are running through my mind and i cant seem to put them through in words. i'm being emo again.
sometimes i wonder who exactly i am. i dont feel truthful as a person. it's as if i'm living a life of lies. or perhaps because i've seem to draw that line for myself, locking myself from others. this has been for a while. what's wrong with me?
this chinese new year made me rethink the whole idea of reunion. somehow to me, it has become a chore visiting others, especially extended family whom i'm not close to. it came to me that i'm suppose to make myself present at so and so's house because it's CNY. while yes, it's selfish of me to even think in this manner, reunion has never felt like a proper reunion. all i do is sit somewhere and let time go by. it never felt right. then again, i wondered if it's me, that i seem to have locked myself away from people. or is it because as the star signs say, i'm not a people person, i prefer to be left alone, drowning in silence; dont bother starting a conversation because it will end in less than 5 min.
CNY this year's quiet for me but i'm glad i learnt new things about some of my relatives.
-three of my cousins are seeing and maintaining good relationships with their hopefully other half.
-i admire jerry gor gor's piano music because i could feel his music. it felt different. how i wish i can find that difference in my music. as much as i want to pursue music, i guess i'll never have that chance to live up to my dream. yes, i fully understand the practical reasons.
-i'm glad one of my younger cousin's more able to open up now (she seems to me) and i pray she'll improve and be better.
-i've a cousin-once-removed who's a power 98fm DJ. her programme's on sunday 6 to 8pm. anyone who chance across this, please support k! thank you! (:
-my aunt was on an advert aired on tv (but i didnt manage to catch it). ):
CNY resolutions:
1) do well for my performance diploma.
2) do well in whichever course i choose after A level results are released. while engineering or sciences seem my ideal choice, i'm beginning to reconsider other choices after hearing the many advices my aunts and uncles offered. i will also not forget another interest that was forged thanks to my dad. so happen it's in line with what i want out of my life. should i stick to it? it appeals to me because i feel like running away from the norm.
3) continue to spend more time with my family.
4) unlock myself.
I FEEL LIKE BLASTING MUSIC IN MY EARS TO STOP MYSELF FROM DWELLING IN USELESS THINKING.