Tuesday, January 27, 2009 @9:15 PM
so many things are running through my mind and i cant seem to put them through in words. i'm being emo again.
sometimes i wonder who exactly i am. i dont feel truthful as a person. it's as if i'm living a life of lies. or perhaps because i've seem to draw that line for myself, locking myself from others. this has been for a while. what's wrong with me?
this chinese new year made me rethink the whole idea of reunion. somehow to me, it has become a chore visiting others, especially extended family whom i'm not close to. it came to me that i'm suppose to make myself present at so and so's house because it's CNY. while yes, it's selfish of me to even think in this manner, reunion has never felt like a proper reunion. all i do is sit somewhere and let time go by. it never felt right. then again, i wondered if it's me, that i seem to have locked myself away from people. or is it because as the star signs say, i'm not a people person, i prefer to be left alone, drowning in silence; dont bother starting a conversation because it will end in less than 5 min.
CNY this year's quiet for me but i'm glad i learnt new things about some of my relatives.
-three of my cousins are seeing and maintaining good relationships with their hopefully other half.
-i admire jerry gor gor's piano music because i could feel his music. it felt different. how i wish i can find that difference in my music. as much as i want to pursue music, i guess i'll never have that chance to live up to my dream. yes, i fully understand the practical reasons.
-i'm glad one of my younger cousin's more able to open up now (she seems to me) and i pray she'll improve and be better.
-i've a cousin-once-removed who's a power 98fm DJ. her programme's on sunday 6 to 8pm. anyone who chance across this, please support k! thank you! (:
-my aunt was on an advert aired on tv (but i didnt manage to catch it). ):
CNY resolutions:
1) do well for my performance diploma.
2) do well in whichever course i choose after A level results are released. while engineering or sciences seem my ideal choice, i'm beginning to reconsider other choices after hearing the many advices my aunts and uncles offered. i will also not forget another interest that was forged thanks to my dad. so happen it's in line with what i want out of my life. should i stick to it? it appeals to me because i feel like running away from the norm.
3) continue to spend more time with my family.
4) unlock myself.
I FEEL LIKE BLASTING MUSIC IN MY EARS TO STOP MYSELF FROM DWELLING IN USELESS THINKING.
Saturday, January 24, 2009 @12:29 PM
i'm angry with myself for making history repeat itself. why must i commit the same mistake?
it's a bizzare thing about human nature. where did we learn such a thing as selfishness? why does unfairness exist?
i'm still proud of how i managed to dye my sis' hair brown.
thankfully by sleeping, i managed to wash away a large part of my hurt feelings.
i missed out free food today. pfft.
reunion dinner tonight.
this post is deliberately made vague.
Thursday, January 22, 2009 @9:53 PM
tuesday evening brought back memories of my various birthdays.
1) when i was five, i licked the knife used to cut the big birthday cake. the cake was big because i celebrated my birthday at the childcare centre. my mum scolded me. this picture was taken.
2) when i was thirteen (if i didnt remember wrongly), i had my first ice-cream cake from swensens.
3) when i was fifteen, i was given a toy pig by my class. the pig sat in my school cardboard in class for the whole year. that was the promise i made to my classmates, to share the gift with everyone.
3) when i was sixteen, i was almost late for school on my birthday. my class gave me a toy duck because i loved ducks then.
4a) there are many people in my level at nj who share my birth date. my class sang the happy birthday song for me in the school hall. then a few rows down, happy birthday song could be heard. this continued down the row for about 5 times. i was seventeen.
4b) silvia bought a cake for me and my class gathered at the grand stand to celebrate my birthday before orientation's dance party.
5) at nineteen, i got a surprise by my primary school classmates. class gathering cum belated birthday celebration at swensens. my second swensen's ice-cream cake. thank you seet teng, huijia, beatrix, jasmine and eileen. gosh. i havent seen jasmine in 6 full years and i've never talk to the rest properly for ages.
i feel blessed in many ways. i thank everyone who've made my life so wonderful.
Friday, January 16, 2009 @5:00 PM
whoopie! i changed my blogskin. and added songs! (:
taking another day off to rot cos i went to the doctor's again. i'm that sick i realise. somehow the previous round of medicine didnt cure me fully. now i have another round of stronger medicine, which makes me drowsy in minutes. pff. (that explains my excess sleeping.) the new medicine taste worse as well. eeww. haiz. my mum refused to let me touch her work cos she's afraid i will do the calculations wrongly again. urgh.
i am bored and computer games and untouched vcds/dvds are not tempting me.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009 @10:41 PM
feeling better today. but i'm still coughing, having nose block and i'm still shivering (side effect of one of my medicine), which explains why i cant hold my pen properly. urgh. my voice sounds funny as well. ):
spent the morning at ms lim's helping her reorganise her bedroom. (: in another words, i've been a cheap labour this morning. but her mum cooked great food for my tummy and i've got more stamps, thanks to ms lim. (:
left around 1pm. went home to sleep after taking my medicine. couldnt sleep properly again even with all the drowsy medicine. amazing. worse still, i think i'm having insomnia. keep waking up every 2 hours at night. and i've been having bad dreams lately. haiz. i'm really scared. what's wrong with me?
practice gz just now. not much progress except i manage to memorise the portion i'm suppose to memorise. huan4 xiang3 qu3 is really killing me. the portion i'm suppose to practise is super fast! went youtubing for the song a while ago. ): how am i going to play that fast? urgh. i need to add more oil.
i should go sleep. tmr going back to ms lim's again to continue being a cheap labour. oops. :S
i want to change my blogskin!
Monday, January 12, 2009 @4:53 PM
i'm finally blogging. excuses for not doing so include my laziness, dont know how to organise what i want to type etc. -.-
happy 2009 to everyone, though this is a bit belated. may 2009 be a year with no terrorists attacks, may the economy progress once again and may everyone i know be happier and be in the pink of health.
school has once again started but this time i'm not in the education system anymore. it brings back many wonderful memories of school when i see students in uniform going and returning from school. i miss the people in school, including close classmates who shared my ups and downs and speical teachers who are always so concern for me. thank you so much everyone! without all of you, i wouldnt have learnt to be a better and more understanding person. however, it's not fun paying adults fare when i'm not working. hmph. i've been trying so hard not to leave house unnecessarily. haha. and if i need, i'll look out for free shuttle bus services. -.- i finally understand the pain my sis faced.
had a mini class gathering on the 7th at bingxin's house. everyone has moved on. most of them teaching, including relief teaching and going for interns. thankfully i'm not the only one not working. haha. not that i have nothing to do, i'm busy with guzheng once again! taking my performance diploma at the end of the year. i hope to do well definitely.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to myself. had two consecutive days of birthday cos yesterday was my chinese birthday. haha. my mum told me that at a certain age, both chinese and english birth dates will meet again. it's suppose to be when one is 19 but somehow mine didnt. but my friend's did. (: isnt it amazing? haha. interested people can go check. (:
watch red cliff 2 yesterday using my gv evoucher. not very impressed by the show. too much battling scence and parts that should be longer were short but parts that should be short were too long. i almost fell asleep. in my opinion, red cliff 1 was a waste of money, red cliff 2 was a waste of time.
THIS IS JUST MY OPINION, NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE. but to be honest, these kind of battling scenes should be watched at cinemas for the effect.
fell ill yesterday. haiz. so i was sniffing all the way throughout the movie. thankfully i didnt sneeze. haha. i'm so proud of myself for being able to resist temptation. yesterday, my sis bought pop corn and i didnt take a single one throughout the movie. given the fact that i was holding on to the box.
started using facebook and imeem. finally, after much persuasion from various friends and my sis. i got addicted for a while (facebook). haha. i came to find its user friendliness. this explains why i remove my photo album link cos i can upload on facebook. (:
feeling really drowsy now. and i'm so strengthless. got to go rest. it's not fun falling sick on one's birthday. stupid flu bug, why cant you just pick someone else. :S
to January babies:
Myself
Cousin Jerry Gor
Cousin Zhi Xian
Cousin Sandy Jie
Cousin Jason
Bingxin
Xinying
Vy
Ernest
Hui Jun
Jianyue.. and those i missed out (i'm sorry)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!