Friday, October 24, 2008 @11:08 PM
宣战前的平静.
this shall be the last post before the start of A's and i shall only visit this place after the 18th of november. (which translates to: dont bother tagging cos i wont be able to reply. i'm sorry.) i've been thinking through some stuff and i thought i should just let it out here. i feel that it really makes me feel much better, even though i've already let it out to a close friend or my sis. many thanks go out to them as they've been really patient and so willing to hear my rants.
i should say the coming exams have made me really consider what i want out of my life. all along, i've been thinking that i must make it and not break it. i have to do well because i've got cousins who are really smart and yes, in my opinion since young, it serves as some form of comparison. it is not usually discussed amongst us cousins but most unfortunately, our parents. i dont want tongues to wag. maybe i think to much. i talked to my mum and she says why bother. the more i take it to heart, the more pressure i put on myself. i agree to that. i've been harping on it for a really long time.
i thought about how i could have better coped with major exams and i came to the conclusion that perhaps, O levels was something that shouldnt be missed. at least one can be reminded of the stress level and be able to cope with it. not that IP isnt good but the lack of exam technique is one significant problem to students like me. this year, i found out the other reason why my parents encouraged me to join NJ. not that i couldnt accept their reasoning but i thought it was against my choice at first. nevertheless, i understand the fact that all parents put their child's interest at heart. i learnt to respect their decision.
when they say all roads lead to rome, i'm not sure if i ever accepted that. many people have encouraged me in one way or another, telling me to look beyond A levels. i really appreciate it but perhaps it never occured to me hence i'm still dwelling in my own paradigm of values. i guess it will only make sense to me after A levels.
this period of time, i thought i lost a friend. i've heard of situations whereby nearing exams, people start to become alone and they are cautious about what others do. i saw it for myself. perhaps this is the true side of the person, i dont know. i'm just disappointed that things turn out this way.
to avoid being nagged at, that's about all i can post. i'm glad i've got so many concerned friends, relatives and teachers who are very encouraging. it really touched my heart so deeply. i guess saying thank you is never enough. i'll give my best.
my current motivation: 下笔的那一刻就像是演奏一首18 天长的曲子的开始, 我要用心去把它给演奏完, 分享我的音乐, 分享我所明白的一切. this was what i gathered for competition two years ago. i will pull through it and i want to pull through it, regardless of the result.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEILONG! (: